Many moms and dads wonder why their adult children rarely call, they also rarely come, and sometimes communication does not go well at all. After all, as they themselves claim, they spent all their strength, resources, nerves, health on their children, did not get enough sleep at night, worried, treated... Why such ingratitude?
If you are familiar with this topic, then perhaps you should understand the reasons for this behavior of your grown children? And also, I think that this article will be useful for those parents whose children are still small. Perhaps you can change something in yourself, in your behavior and in your attitude towards your offspring, so that later you do not "disentangle" in old age.
So why do grown-up children hate their parents?
Parents have always been firmly convinced that they were right.
Since childhood, many parents perceive their children as powerless creatures, unable to express their point of view. But children and parents may have different visions of the same situation. So don't be so stubborn. Let your child express their own point of view, and even if you disagree with it, give the child the right to share his opinion.
Parents do not know about what happened in the life of their children
This applies to children who are already growing up and growing up. You cannot know exactly what happened in their life, what blows of fate they experienced. Perhaps, protecting your nerves, they were silent about the pain that they had in their souls and hearts, so do not think that you always know what exactly worries them.
Parents see grown-up children still their babies
Well, it is clear that for any mommy, her son or daughter will always be favorite babies. Parents remember how clumsy the son was, and how the daughter constantly could not put things in order in her room. But time has passed, and the grown-up clumsy boy has had his own business for a long time, and the sloppy girl has achieved a lot in the professional field, and is respected by the employees. Do not remind them of the past, do not belittle their dignity.
Parents believe that their children no longer worry about divorce
Parents are wrong! For every child, both mom and dad are equally dear, and they do not want to divide their heart into two halves. Therefore, do not pretend that it did not cause the same pain, just admit to the children that you could not prevent it, and that you are sorry about what happened. And the main thing is to make it clear to your children that they are not guilty in your divorce!
Parents don't let their kids live their lives
The grown children have their own lives. They may have a different lifestyle, they have the right to independently make decisions, meet and communicate with those with whom they want. They are not obliged to report to you for every step they take, they are not obliged to listen to your opinion, they have grown!
Parents do not respect the child's personal boundaries
This has been going on since childhood. Even if your child is still small, he should have his own personal space, he has the right to be alone, listen to music calmly, read, reflect. These boundaries can get stricter as you get older, and parents should learn to stay within them. You cannot go in with questions about what does not concern you, you cannot go with your advice, ruin the child's plans, etc.
Parents listen, but do not hear children
It is important not just to pretend that you are listening to your child, but to actually hear him. You cannot interrupt, finish phrases for him, because you do not give him the opportunity to open up, express an opinion.
Parents side with one of the children
Think about this while your children are still young. If they quarrel, do not side with one of the children. You cannot condemn one and support the other. These are both your children, you must treat them the same!
Parents use an intermediary to communicate
Sometimes parents are unable to establish relationships with their children on their own, and begin to attract grandparents, aunts / uncles, etc. to help. Think, there are situations that cannot be taken out of the family, perhaps your child would like some information to remain exclusively between you.
Parents believe they have a right to control the child's life
It is quite difficult to let go of your own power, especially in those families where, for example, mom raised her children herself or where dad was feared like fire. Think about how difficult it will be for you to improve your relationship with your child. Do not interfere with his life, just step back and wait for the moment when your help is needed. This behavior will cause children to respect you!
Being a parent is not just about giving birth to a child, dressing, shoeing and feeding. It is hard work that goes on day after day. Don't make these mistakes now and then, if you don't want to be completely alone in old age ...
