In almost every family, after the second baby is born, the firstborn automatically turns into a nanny. At the same time, no one even asks him about this. This was the case with our parents and grandparents, and we adopted this in our families. Just think, the child is only 6 years old, and you never know what he wants: to play with friends in the yard or to spend time somehow interesting for himself. Who will look after the younger brother / sister?
Ask your parents if they trust to babysit older children with younger ones, and you will most likely get the answer: yes, of course. And psychologists believe that regardless of age, children always remain children, and parents always remain parents.
When can you leave an older child to look after a younger child?
- The elder can look after the younger, if this does not turn into responsibility for the fate of the brother or sister.
- The older child can sometimes walk in the yard with a stroller with the younger one under the windows. He can also pick up a brother or sister from kindergarten.
- The age difference between the oldest and the youngest child must be at least 5 years old.
Why shouldn't your older child be babysitting your younger child?
- He cannot handle taking care of the baby purely physically, especially if the difference between your children is very small.
- He can harm his little brother and sister, for example, give him vinegar to drink or even set fire to it for fun. This is a terrible example, of course, but children sometimes do not realize the seriousness and danger of their behavior.
- Nursing a child is a huge responsibility, a job, and it must be done for a reward. And your child, albeit a grown one, should have its own life!
- Be that as it may, babysitting is the responsibility of the parents, not their older children.
- Many firstborns, who were entrusted with a lot of care for younger children, do not want to become parents. They consider children an unbearable burden.
Let's see what parents think about this.
This is what mothers say to the question: "Would you entrust your youngest child to an older one?"
- “My children have an age difference of 5 years, the eldest is already 7. So I leave him to look after my two-year-old sister. The only thing is, I don’t leave them to swim in the bathroom together, you never know. ”
- “I only leave for 5 minutes while in the toilet, or run quickly to the shower. The elder does not understand that sitting with the younger is a responsibility. "
- “I trust. I leave the five-year plan with his three-year-old brother, but without fanaticism, for example, I run to the store. "
- "I do not trust. Because once I left a six-year-old daughter with a five-year-old brother and a two-year-old sister. When I returned an hour later, I saw many of her tears. It’s too early for her to be a nanny, because of the awareness of her responsibility, she was all frightened, and I could not calm her down for a long time ”.
- “The difference in children is 9 years. Big, so I trust. But all the same, she began to let go for a walk when the eldest turned 13, and the youngest, respectively, 4, and left them together when the eldest turned 10. "
What do psychologists say about this?
Psychologists have their own point of view, and in general we can say that they are against older children turning into nannies for younger ones. If for some reason this is difficult to avoid, then they advise you to adhere to some nuances.
- The care of the elder for the younger must be compensated for, like any other job. You can encourage the first-born with money or make purchases of things that he has long dreamed of.
- If you don't like the pay option, then have the firstborn consider caring for a brother or sister as a household responsibility. But then you will have to rid him of other chores at home.
- Do not forget that you are the parents, and you gave birth to the child for yourself, and not for grandparents, daughters / sons. Therefore, absolutely all responsibility for your children lies entirely with you.
- In Russia, there is no such law that would determine the age from what moment a child can be left alone at home or together with the younger. Still, in society, this age is considered 14 years old, when a child receives partial responsibility for himself and his actions. For comparison: in Japan, children are allowed by law to be left alone from the age of 14, in Europe - from 16, in the USA it is different in each state - from 6, 8 and 12 years. Accordingly, a child can sit with younger brothers and sisters from this age.
I am interested to hear your opinion on this matter!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/dolzhen-li-starshij-rebenok-nyanchitsya-s-mladshim-chto-po-etomu-povodu-dumajut-roditeli-i-chto-govoryat-psihologi.html
