Whatever psychological problems did not occur in adult life with a man, "diagnosis" is mainly a childhood, or rather, the insults are not gone with him. They remain a thorn in the soul, which, if time does not stretch, and will begin to draw to a head, in the end, become a "poison" that destroys the body from the inside, both psychologically and physically.
Such insults are difficult to eradicate even the most experienced psychologist, not to mention how to deal with them independently. But try to do this it is necessary, without waiting for that "somehow will pass by itself" - will not pass!
Destroy any insult (a child, especially) can only genuine forgiveness. But how unbearably hard to do it! You can forgive almost anyone, but if you hurt mom and dad - this is the heavy load hanging over human life the sword of Damocles, ready at any moment to break and fall.
Renowned psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya at one of his lectures to solve the mystery whether there is any chance for an adult to get rid of the children's injuries. Today let's talk about it.
1.HDo not attempt to forgive your parents and try to understand them as much as possibleBy looking at them quite a hard life, where basically all live the same: lack of money, life, work, endless queues in the shops. Perhaps this endless turmoil did not give them a chance to be more sensitive and loving parents (very often people unconsciously copy the behavior of their parents, and in our, more hectic age, it happens also quite often)
2. If earlier it was believed that the parents - is sacred and any resistance or opposition to them their behavior was a complete taboo, then matured, you must understand that you have every right to talk about the problem and that you on something was bad.Perhaps the parents are not even aware that you are seated resentment against them. Many of them are not so wrapped, as before, they had years to become a wiser and perhaps you have already presented their grandchildren, which means that they have opened a new side and become kinder and calmer. Try to talk to them heart to heart and, most likely, you will be able to start new cordial relationship, which you have been deprived of for many years.
3. But sometimes it is not enough just to talk. One important for parents to ask for forgiveness (again - for what, perhaps, they had no idea what caused emotional trauma), embraced, pressed tightly to him and kissed her as a child. In those cases where the relationship was present serious abyuz (term for abuse, mistreatment, insult - ed.) and this is the very heavy burden, sometimes enough from the recognition of the fact parents. Yes, imagine, the mere recognition of the offense can "mute" the unbearable pain that lasted for years and begun a new warm relations.
4. It happens that the result of a frank conversation with the parents is their complete denial of the fact that they have done wrong to you. According to them, everything was done correctly, and it is thanks to them that one of you has grown man with a capital letter. Leave them the right not to admit mistakes.Each person has his own vision of the world and maybe it is their idea of love for children. If in old age, they insist on their position and do not take the other option, to convince them it will not succeed. Just know this: everyone has a right to their own opinion.
However, in this scenario is unlikely to have to be really good relationship, but you may be able to forgive them and already from this will be just a little easier.
5. Another recommendation of the psychologist - sorry for himself, only a little. Explain everything from the position itself, adult and admit that yes, the parents were wrong, but tell them we have no right, as can never be over it. Just a pity. After all, there must at least one adult sorry for you, little one. Why do most adults do not become that?
6. Sometimes allow yourself to mourn: That something was not a child, that your parents you have given short or unfairly banned. Sometimes such "self-therapy" brings relief.
7. Not a glimmer of hope that parents will take and change dramatically.Perhaps not sharp and not at all, they will not change. For example, you all my life wanted to father at least once kissed or hugged you, but my mother said to your address warm words. But they did not hug and say - nothing changes. Maybe they just do not know how to do it. They had no one to teach it. They have simply not able to master the science of love. Try them just regret and sincere love, no matter what, because they are all my life had been deprived of this feeling. Do not expect them to manifestations of emotions, just like their own. Even if only in their old age, they feel that it is. After all, you - their blood and flesh, perhaps, came into this life to teach them this.
8. Learn how to "decode" the love of your parents. If they always grumble and criticize, but never allowed to go hungry and experienced, and put you scarf and umbrella if taken, then that is their love - just not quite the same, how do you imagine it represent. Yes, you do not hear from them, words of love, but sometimes love is silent and beautiful deeds more important than hundreds of words.
If you can truly forgive, or at least a little bit to understand and accept their parents as they are, you will be able to return, and the warm relations that have been among you once.
