Why do parents expect of children return to some kind of debt? Based on what? Why do so many experiences because of this his parents and guilt in children? Where crept error and injustice? And who owes whom? And should it? And if so, what? How much and in what way should be given? And if not, what to do? Ignore these requests? To answer these questions tried psychologist Olga Valyaeva.
Why is this happening, why parents are waiting for the return of the children of some of the debt? Based on what? Why do so many experiences because of this his parents and guilt in children? Where crept error and injustice? And who owes whom? And should it?
When someone is someone that's got to, it means that the relationship is broken balance. That is only one of them something to give, and the only one that took something.
Over time, the accumulated debt, and the first man inside there is a feeling that he had been deceived and used - all taken away and nothing is given. I will not consider the situation when the first second gave selflessly for many years. In this world of selflessness is not seen. Even in the relationship of parents and children, says expert
in his blog.
Parents in their care of children kept in mind at least a glass of water, which the child still has to bring. Waiting and care in weakness, and financial assistance, and that they will continue to listen, and that the children will live as parents want, and reason for pride and bragging, and attention. And a lot of what was expected. Even if not explicitly talk about it. But on what basis?
Parents do a lot of investing in children - time, nerves, money, health, strength. For years. They often have to postpone their desires into the background - for the sake of the child. Do what you do not want - again, for the sake of it. From something to give, to sacrifice something - at least in his own bed for a few years. Who said that being a parent is easy and simple?
Here, the years pass, and suddenly - suddenly or not - the child hears broad hints or direct instructions what and how it should be the parents. But as far as reasonably and legally? Is it something should? And whence is this sense of injustice come from?
Parents worry because their parenthood seemed to them a huge unresponsive victim himself. One-way process, not giving any bonuses and joys. Twenty years in pain and is now waiting to see what needs to somehow reward all this mess. They gave a lot and did not get anything. Nothing at all. There must be justice! But is it?
Not. This world is always and everywhere valid. Children are actually a lot of parents give. More precisely, even, God gives us through the children so much! Not even describe in words. Their hugs, declarations of love, funny words, first steps, dances and songs... Even just kind of a little sleeping angel - so cute God created them! The first five years of life of the child is based on so much happiness that it attracts adults like a magnet. Then, too, a lot of different bonuses, albeit in a slightly lower concentration. That is, the children of God is given to parents as much, and such that money can not buy and you will not find on the road. And honestly, all offset by - parents work, the Lord their rewards. Immediately, at the same point. You did not sleep the night - and you smile in the morning, Gulen and new skills.
But in order to receive all the bonuses - you have to be with the children next door. And to have the strength and desire to enjoy it - which is also important. See all these gifts to be grateful for them.
It was in their childhood, as they are small, and have all this happiness radiates just like that, every minute. The way they smell, laugh, swear, offended love, make friends, learn about the world - all this can not fail to please a loving heart parents. Happiness is in our heart - this is the reward for their labors.
Then why do parents feel that they have someone that's got? Because they were not close to the children, and all of these bonuses and joy was someone else - a grandmother, nanny or teacher in a kindergarten (although the latter certainly did not enjoy it too). Parents had no time to breathe children's tops and cuddle them during the night. The need to work, to be implemented. You need to run somewhere, children do not run away, think of the baby! do not talk to him, not to discuss the day, he does not seem to know anything, he does not care who it shakes and feeds. Relationship with babies often do not fit into our understanding of the relationship - what there is, so only wash-feed-pack. Once we enjoy sleeping children, fatigue is so strong that you can only fall somewhere in another room. No time to study with him grasshoppers and flowers. There are no forces to ensure that together paint, sculpt, sing. All forces are in the office.
But even if the mother does not work, most likely, it is also not strange to these "bonuses" and trifles. The same kind of nonsense, a waste of precious time (and to itself), and it is necessary to clean the house, cook meals, take the child in a circle, go to the store. She can lie beside him and chat in his incomprehensible language, that's stupid. There is no power and does not have time to just look into his eyes and exhale all the stress. And if we go on business, it is necessary to go fast, but do not stop at each pebble. Although the mother physically close, all of these bonuses is rapidly flying past her. And often have broken my mother to the children of claims even more - she's sacrificed for them, even their self-realization, not of works, so that a potential score will be higher.
So sometimes I want to stop any running somewhere mom with a straight face! Stop it, Mom, alongside the greatest miracle! And it can not wait! It grows every minute and gives you so much of miracles and happiness, and you miss all this by, not paying attention! Clinging like a sand castle is very important, you do not notice in the sand grains of gold.
As often I stop myself when I suddenly found better things to do than read a book, play with Lego or simply lie down beside the sleeping miracle. And where am I going? And why? It may be better to let happiness enter my heart right now and melt it?
To be continued
