Devouring mother... sounds like something very creepy. But, unfortunately, it does not occur very rarely.
This is a big drama in human life - have the mother. This is not an anti-social person, on the contrary, she's sweet and charming at first glance. But only at first glance... It's about moms from hell. Of those who devour the most valuable thing for most people - own child.
The symptoms may be characterized as an all for one person and be present singly or combined.
1. Next to a mother can not be cool. You can not be nicer / smarter / thinner / more reach / her substitute. Naturally, the question is not going to be a better mom for something ...Any mother rejoices over her child, delighted, proud... but that - no. It asserts itself. The child of such an individual to be worse, loser, stupid, to serve it by comparison, and always be smarter, more beautiful and better.
Psychologist Lily King
Therefore, this "mom" would devalue and demean her child. Whatever heights not reached - all bad, horrible, stupid, ashamed ...
2. Manipulation on a sense of shame, guilt, fear, God, illness.
This mom needs constant attention. Her how much his forbid - all little. It is necessary to listen to all the news about the show, engage in its accounts, come and poubirat. And, despite the fact that it is all she can do if you suddenly refuse her - she immediately die of a heart attack! Suddenly! And you're to blame. Not washed the dishes! Brought!
Mom lived her life - and your live / pixabay.com
This mother will require a constant presence in her life total. You must come tearing at each of its squeak. And she was not interested - how do you like your business... You can not be anything to do, except for her. Here's the truth of it.3. Mom behaves, as a wife. Yes, there are mothers who unconsciously does not raise her son and husband... Sometimes even sleeping with her little son is not in the same bed, wash it in the bathroom, are not allowed to close the door to his room, spying on dressing and disguise themselves with his son.
They taught him to take care, to open the door and invite her mother to the theater and restaurant, make compliments, give flowers, expensive gifts, to carry on the resorts ...
This mom is jealous of her son to everyone, does not allow any women to him. Well, if by some miracle she appears - just a samurai deals with it. There's competition for life and death. This mother of much ready to go to her son only (the man of her life) belong to it alone.
What to do?
1) This is the case when it is necessary to love the mother in the distance. And further, the relationship will be better.
This distance is not necessarily associated with a move to another country or city, but be sure - a separate living space.
2) It is important to set personal boundaries. After all, what you feel - automatic habit, reaction to her mother's machinations. Change it. Imagine that you are inside a small customs, which checks: that pass into the heart, and what is not. Do not miss the manipulation of the feelings of fear (intimidation), shame and blame. You do not have to serve the emotional state of the mother. This - the personal task of each person.
Mom lived her life - and your live / pixabay.com
3) The proper ratio. Remember: the mother does not change, change your attitude to her, to her comments, requirements. Do not get fooled by the manipulation, live in accordance with its creed, and remember - this is your only life, but not my mother's. Live it the way you want!
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