"When it should release": psychologist look Lily King

- But my brother and I did not get anything good from this "full family" is just an example of the destructive, codependent relationships, which are now treat psychotherapists. We both felt guilty for being so tormented mother "for us" and that we are "bad" because of us she lives with the unloved man suffers his antics, works hard, and all - for us.

My brother and no one asked what we want. And we secretly dreamed that his parents divorced at last, and the house was quiet. This is happiness - to come home and be quiet, feel a moral comfort, not guilty, do not feel shame before the neighbors of the father's drinking, for the constant scandals. To my brother and it was necessary to constantly bear an excessive burden for the children: to pretend that all is well with us, hide the fact that we do not have such a family, as it should, and defective. We ourselves feel defective. But it was necessary to pretend that all is well and be grateful mom. She's "just for us to try." This is - a revelation client neuroses department. She regularly suffers from depression.

It is believed that the family must be preserved at all costs. But is it, if you look at things without embellishment and stereotypes? Does every family should be preserved? Often people do not keep a family, and visibility, some painfully forced obligation. This forced all the participants unhappy: a woman and a man, and children.

Even if all of them are hidden, the children feel it. They unconsciously read your emotions, your state and learn them. If you think that "for the sake of the children" to preserve the family and suffer - you have taught their children the behavior of the victim. They will grow and will copy your behavior. Or treat habits victim psychologists. Consider this: you invest so much effort for the sake of children. And they will then invest a lot of money to get rid of it all.

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Family - it's about love. It is - about the moral comfort, culture medium in which like to be. Here is a nice and free. Now, if such a relationship can not save - you're done! You have saved the family. This must indeed be protected. And teach it to children. But do not sacrifice. Not samonasiliyu.

Especially painful when parents - absolutely strangers to each other. Formal some kind of relationship, devoid of feelings, tenderness, affection. They - the indifference and rejection. This cartoon family your children will carry with them into life. They will not understand the meaning of intimacy. It will be difficult to find a mate. After all, they have not seen a good example. They saw cold and vzaimoignor. And let it not be better any example, than bad.

If your relationship is over, and this "dead horse" does not revive, what to depict that she had yoke-ho! Who are you fooling? Themselves. Yourself and your children. The best thing you can give to your children - is an example of the happy parents. Happy, perhaps divorced. But - lucky!

This is most important. To suffer for the sake of the children - a disservice. So you blame the child for what you "are tormented for the sake of it." You make him sorry that you are unhappy. Even if you do not say anything, do your eyes say everything. Live happily - it's a win-win. After all, and you are happy, and the children who have the happiness to learn.

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