Protect someone considered to be a very decent job. Even noble. Especially those who are being bullied.
This story - which comes someone and protect us - sitting in our heads, we are waiting! And if no one comes, we get offended. But when it comes to protecting yourself, there is a certain bias.
I saw him two kinds.
1. Man blows patiently all the injustice, hurt silent, waiting for what comes someone and protect him, or that he senses the abuser, and then, having reached "the handle", leaves, long time licking wounds and lost faith in justice.
2. Man defends himself, gives the change by putting in place the offender, and then because of this suffer from feelings of guilt.
Of course, there are people who have this right - to defend themselves - and the ability to do it, and so they feel safe. I decided to analyze why one is given, and the other - no? And what is the secret?
Having examined a number of similar cases clients come to the conclusion that the psychological self-defense consists of two components: the ability to defend themselves and the right to it. And we get this skill and the right at the very beginning of our journey - in the parental home.
The right to defense itself. Not all of it is. / pixabay.com
For example:
The child defends itself. The parent listens respectfully and explained that he was wrong and agrees that he is right and takes his side.
That's all! Thus is formed a right to defend themselves. It "cemented" in the brain, as a deep conviction: "I have the right to defend itself and can", "I can make a difference", "I can have an opinion, and it is valuable," "I deserve respect."
The child defends itself. Parent attacks, curses, orders to close the mouth, resents, gets tough. "How dare you contradict me! "/" You're too young to argue with me! "/" Shut up and go to sleep (in the corner)! "
The brain concludes (core belief), "I - worthless / helpless," "My opinion does not mean anything," "Someone's opinion is more important," "I do not have the right to respect / I'm bad / I'm weak / I may offend" .
The child defends itself. Parent response blames child pereubezhdaya him to their cause, or agrees and takes offense. The situation is such that every time after trying to protect themselves (disagree with their parents) - he (the child) to blame. Always like this.As a result, the brain forms a core belief: "I am to blame," "If I can defend - become bad (sorry)", "You can not argue with someone, otherwise it will be bad because of me."
By the way, the main idea - the assignment itself faults in everything, even the destruction of the ruins of ancient Greece. The child grew, and core beliefs (methods and coping strategies) were the ones that were formed in the parental home.
The outer world reflects the inner world / pixabay.com
If you are hosting a tracked such a mechanism, it is important to you usurp this right of self-defense, or in the life of such a person will have hard times.
To assign this right to itself, it is important to understand one rule, and it goes like this: the outer world reflects the inner world.
Also, do not forget about the following:
If you do not respect yourself, you will often not respected.
If you think that you can hurt, you will be hurt.
If you are willing to tolerate a lot, you will create all necessary for the patience of the situation and provided various types of executions to torture.
How do you bring, and the other with you. Therefore it is necessary to overcome the fear, anxiety and despair and even utter a word, to give a hint about what you do not like and that you can not be so! And it is not even important work it or not. There are people without a conscience. Important in protecting yourself is not what they think, and what you show yourself that you will be protecting yourself and the parent will feel safe.Start with the fact that often repeat themselves, or even write: "I have a right to protection." Repeat, remind, until this idea becomes your belief. Take care and enjoy yourself!
earlier psychologist told me how to take my age.
