Every parent wants his child to grow up in a healthy, successful and happy person. So why is it so often we ourselves emotionally cripple their children?
This happens because of our children's facilities, a charge which we teachers and parents, patterns and stereotypes that we have acquired in the course of life in society. Sometimes we know what we are doing something wrong, but do not know how to change it. About the most common mistakes parents upbringing tells Ukrainian psychologist and TV presenter Dmitry Karpachev.
Lack of attention.Of course, we love our children and try to give them the best. We work tirelessly to our crumbs was all that he wanted. But for the love of a child is paying attention to him. But the fact that just sit and talk heart to heart, to play, to ask his achievements, consider pictures, read a book, go for a walk together, or ride a bike, we just often lacks time. And it seems to the child that parents are not like him.
At first he tries to attract the attention of mom and dad in any way. Usually it is some kind of antics, moods, bad behavior, intrusive questions or evading requests to be repeated time and again. And then the child gets used, that he "disliked and uninteresting" to his parents, and this translates into isolation and antisocial behavior in adolescence.
The struggle for power. We want our children in the future have a good education, an interesting job money. So we try to give it to the prestigious school, different courses or hire tutors. We control his studies and demand return on investment in his capabilities. As a result, the child is under constant pressure. This does not necessarily screaming or physical violence. Sometimes a mother's heavy breath, or my father's expressive eyes, so that the child understood as it does not match the representation of parents on how it should be, and clumsy bestolku.
As a result, the child gets the impression that he is not valuable for parents (and the world at large) itself, are important only its victories and achievements. Because of the child becomes nervous, stubborn, it is important to win all the time and he did not know how to play. He places high demands on himself and has no mercy for others, and often gives in illusions, lie to themselves and others in order to feel more important to consolidate its position.
Return pain. Children are very vulnerable and sensitive to injustice. And all that we have laid them as a child, then they are in the world. Psychologists describe places like pain returned. And often she comes back not only to its perpetrators.
Very often you can hear from the parents: "You never know what you want", "How do I say so be it," etc... A child who's parents have shown it insignificance, said that he is too young, he did not understand, did not depend on him, We took him solutions and other means showed that he can not actively participate in adult life, feeling worthless, flawed, and humiliated. And as a consequence - brings the pain to others.
Overprotective and evasion.Overprotection often exposed to weak and sickly children, but sometimes prevents the child to grow up mom does not allow to do anything on their own because of their personal psychological problems. Such children grow up insecure in their abilities and feel helpless. And when his parents suddenly begin to require them to any action, decision-making, they are simply shy away from it.
They do not pretend they are just not accustomed to act independently. A child with such a problem in the behavior, constantly refuses any activity may feel stupid compared to others, give up and do not wish to participate in any event, did not want him to demand anything, can not afford to put high goals. He does not do anything, did not believe that at all on something capable of and all too difficult for him.
Rules of education Dmitry Karpachova
1. Pay attention to children when they behave well. Then they will not have to draw your attention to bad behavior.
2. Consult with children in all family matters. Do this sincerely. Do not be afraid to show that there is something you do not know or do not know how. Ask the child to have something to teach.
3. Treat your child with respect. Show him that it is important for you and other family members - brothers and sisters - in itself, regardless of its achievements.
4. Spend "audit" of what you do for a child. See what he can already do quite himself. Do not be afraid to delegate his homework, even if not all will first be obtained. Hold the baby as he matures, let him be more independent.
5. Often we focus on the child's shortcomings, considering that the most important thing in education - is to overcome them. But it's much more effective to focus on good, often praise the child celebrate his dignity. With this method of education disadvantages disappear by themselves, because the child just will not focus on them. And where there is attention to and energy.
And be sure to ask, What 5 things in any case can not be done at the child.
