Every mother once in my life to say to myself that it is - a bad mother. Misbehaved, did not pay sufficient attention to children, the grandmother in the yard indicated the child's lack of manners - but you never know about the "chew" a little himself.
Bad mother: how to stop berating yourself? / unsplash.com
Are there any good mother?
Who is such a good mother? She not yelling at kids? Do not hit them on the ass? Or the time to build a career and children grow up? Or maybe she's sitting in the decree for three years and to breastfeed up to two years? Where a list of criteria for a good mother? It simply does not exist. There is no good or perfect mother.Therapist Donald Winnicott coined the term for a long time - "good enough mother." This mother knows the child's needs, but also meet them, based on their capabilities. She climbs out of the skin and makes his neurosis.
Why mom scolded himself?
The influence of society. For a young society treats his mother, to put it mildly, not very tolerant. Being pregnant, my mother feels the sidelong glances. Only lazy people do not favors then how to feed, drink, clothe, and when weaning from diapers her baby. Some women pass these tips on deaf ears, the other - it is strongly hurts.
Increased anxiety. Mother wants the child the best, trying to anticipate all his wishes, but it is not always obtained. She is very worried about the baby and its image in the eyes of others.
parenting mistakes. Modern women read a lot about education, pedagogy and education do not forgive myself errors. For the cry of a child a woman will "eat itself", because it cripples the child's psyche. Knowledge of child psychology and pedagogy on the one hand - it is useful, on the other hand - complicates the life of my mother.
Bad mother: how to stop berating yourself? / unsplash.com
What to do?
Do not try to be perfect. Remember, you will never be able to meet the needs of the child at 100% - it is unreal. There is a famous joke: whatever you do, your child will be something to tell your therapist. It's true!
Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, indulge yourself, give yourself time. Then you will have more resources and you will be able to better meet the needs of the child.
Notice the positive. You can really take it out on the child and "nibble" then himself. The easiest way to berate yourself, hard to see your own changes for the better. If you try to restrain myself, work on yourself - it is worthy of respect.
Correct parenting mistakes. Shouted at the child? It can and should be corrected. apologize and talk to the baby. The child gets a good experience, you - too.
Look at yourself from the outside. Do you really such a bad mother? Or you are too self-critical?
Work on yourself. If your remorse is too strong, and feeling bad mother does not give you peace of mind, then consult a therapist to remove the "burden" of life.
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