Surely, you have among friends or neighbors have a wonderful sweet woman who lives with her husband, an alcoholic and always wears a black and blue. And you wonder why she puts up with? Psychologists say: there are people with a childhood marked "markers violence" - potential rapists and their victims, and form a tolerance to violence themselves unaware of their parents.
Children whose personal boundaries are not respected, and the interests were not considered more likely to get into a painful relationship in the future. For example, a girl, to which the thus treated as a child, simply does not understand that a man should treat her differently. So, let's look at the most common mistakes parents who form a tolerance to violence.
"You're the one to blame!"When a child comes home with a black, mom asks, "Why do you hit?", And even celebrate, heard the answer, "You are the one to blame." These phrases form in the child understanding that if he is beaten, "action" - this is normal.
In adult life it can lead, for example, to the fact that a woman is looking for excuses to my husband, who does she blows "Once earned, it means that you can, I am guilty." Before the child should bring a simple truth: the responsibility for violence always lies with the perpetrator and excuse his behavior, no!
"You thought!" If you hurt a child, it is better to apologize and deny the incident: "How could I hurt you because I love you so much." This will further lead to the fact that your feelings have grown-up child will be able to manipulate the other: "How could I change you, because you are my beloved wife, you thought."
Since childhood often hear phrases such person ceases to trust your feelings and guided by feelings and words of others.
"Well, I love you!" Grandmother or grandfather, who came to visit, they want to kiss and cuddle favorite grandson against his will. He pulled out, and my mother shames him: "Well, what do you feel sorry, what? Grandparents love you. "
The right to inviolability of the child - is sacred. This leads to a violation of personal boundaries and to the fact that the word "no" does not mean anything. Boy, whose borders are routinely violated in childhood, can not stop "no" to the girls, because "no" does not mean anything. A girl who was brought up in such a way, give way, even against their will under the pressure of assurances of love.
"He did not want to hurt you!" Danger justify violence that saying the magic phrase, you can continue to hurt more.
"He's just a kid!"The phrase that justifies the admissibility of violence by men.
"And the priest ?!" That one who is stronger. To win and to listen to you - you have to beat. Another option - you need to listen to the one who beats.
"He likes you!" On the question of the daughter-schoolgirl why it offends a classmate, smiling mother answers: "Simply he likes you," thus accustomed to the idea that the rough ratio of men - a sign of sympathy. And as an adult, it sounds like "beats, then love."
"Did you tell him ..." It often happens that a child talks about her relationships with other people: friends or teachers, and my mother, though it and do not ask, gives advice: "Did you tell him ..." What's wrong with that? And as an adult partner, your child will tell how and what to do and how to interact with others, and he did not even notice. And most often it is to control communication wife / husband and begins a psychological pressure and domestic violence in the family.
"What are you wearing?" Constantly criticizing the appearance and taste of the child, you force him to question his opinion and trust of others. In the future, such a woman would be easy to manipulate, convince her of inferiority: "Who are you, except me, this need! You thick / thin and t. D. "
Excessive politeness.You transport rude drunk, rude in the store, and when a neighbor says the child, you need to nurture it. You shy smile in return, to avoid conflict. Later, when the child someone will hurt, it will also react. It is necessary to teach the child that adults are not always right and in violation of personal boundaries, you need to fight back.
And be sure to find out 9 signs that determine the "toxic" parents, to make sure that you - not so!
