Which parent does not want their children to good? Perhaps there is no such. Almost every mom and dad (with the exception of rare moral monsters) are willing to hurt ourselves in the cake, their children were satisfied with their lives, grow and develop. But as you know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and even the best parents can allow educational imbalances.
If parents make a mistake and correct - is one thing, and another thing - parents- "recidivists" who daily poison their children incorrect settings. And they do not see and do not recognize that their attitudes torturing children and openly harm them. Such fathers and mothers writer Holly Chavez calls "toxic." They can be calculated from the 9 symptoms.
"NO" APPROVAL AND SAFETY
What is important given parents? Feeling that they are the people who love your child just because he is. Therefore, to him, to his parents, he can come up with any joy and trouble - they accept and understand, support, spare.
"Toxic" parents - against such educational slyuntyaystva, so use the method of "tight rein", when for everyone, even the most innocent, the child's misbehavior is punished.
MINUS. In adult life, the children of such parents due to any trouble discouraged and difficult to find the strength to overcome the obstacles it is feasible.
WHIP AND CRITICISM
'Toxic' parents believe that praise can spoil the child, therefore, prefer to build education on the criticism. If not pokritikuesh as a child realizes that he was wrong? - they say. And kill the child reproaches. And when the child is wrong, but as a child? And to learn how not to bug? These issues are "toxic" parents do not ask. They believe that their criticism will do its good work.
MINUS. The child grows up tough inner critic, which literally paralyze his freedom of choice, creativity, willingness to take risks.
Makes the child justifies the unacceptable behavior
The insults and physical abuse of the child, they were punished for misconduct. And even if the insult or the punishment was excessive, wrong, "toxic" parents do not consider it necessary to apologize. They served under any situation advantageous to sauce. What remains to children? Realize that parents do wrong, or to take the blame? They choose the latter.
MINUS. Children of "toxic" parents of a child grow a huge sense of guilt, and even in adult life to justify someone's ugly deeds of his guilt.
DO NOT ALLOW child to express negative emotions
Children - the same people, living people with a full range of feelings. They can both be happy and angry - so normal nervous system is built. The "toxic" parents whose children have no right to be angry, offended or cry of resentment.
MINUS. In adult life, threaten to frequent depressions, such a child where the other person simply relax in the company of friends or vykrichitsya, cry.
Always put their feelings in the first place
They are not interested in the child's wishes - they force children to give up their own desires in order to enable parents to do what they want.
MINUS. In adult life, these children is difficult to hear yourself, to understand exactly what they want. As a result - these children are living someone else's, not his life, which does not sit well happiness.
Troubling matured EVEN ON CHILDREN
Fear and respect - different birds of a feather, but "toxic parents, these concepts are inseparable. "Rod of iron" - period.
MINUS. Even as adults, children experience anxiety and fear, even if they just need to talk to my parents on the phone. It is clear that adult children of trying to escape as soon as possible from the "toxic" father's house and seeing my parents so rarely as possible.
Manipulated, using money and a sense of duty
"We've done so much for you!" - shout "toxic parents", requiring the complete subordination of the child. The child of "ancestors" is not entitled to their opinion, other than my mother's or my father - otherwise feel the power of anger and resentment. Parents for him, for his krovinochku, as did so many gifts were given, and he - ungrateful - allows himself... to be friends with a boy from a poor family, listen to "wrong" music, watch "Wrong" movies ...
MINUS. Infection with "guilt" when any adult can easily verify that the child is "toxic parents" very much obliged to him.
Routinely violate personal boundaries CHILD
Go into the room without knocking, read a personal diary or correspondence in social networks, to eavesdrop at the door when the child speaks on the phone... "And what is this? We check the child's diary - can and SMSes to read "- are considered" toxic "parents. They believe that the so ensure safety of the child.
MINUS. Adult child of "toxic" Mom and Dad is difficult to understand where the boundaries of other people, so there are problems in friendship and in love.
MAY demonstratively refused to talk to children
Dissociate itself from the child's wall of silence, because you are not in the spirit or the child nashalil, and you punish him so - akin to that to understand the "you do not exist for me." A child in such times, is experiencing a very destructive emotion. Where reasonably explained by the fumes, you need a little time to settle down.
MINUS. All the same fertile ground for feelings of guilt and "hara-kiri" for self-assessment.
There is something to think about, is not it? Perhaps our trouble - a trail of education "toxic parents"? And, perhaps, in your parenting style is sometimes used "toxic" methods during your childhood? There is a time to think and to fix it.
