Often even parents with many children and teachers make mistakes in the upbringing of children, they communicate down, hypocrisy, forgetting that too were once children. We have compiled a Top 7 mistakes in the upbringing of that poison life
It should just fall to his knees, squat down and lookto kid eyes, to feel his mood, put yourself for a moment in his place. And if you make a mistake, something edifying, is not a sin and apologize. Before teaching, look at yourself in the mirror: I would have done in this situation if I do everything right?
Top 7 mistakes of adults in parenting
1. Compare with a child - "Here I am at your age!"
Comparison with a childhood and cast himself as an example - is fundamentally wrong opinion. Your child - not you. He has a different character, a different body, different priorities and interests, and most importantly - he lives in a completely different reality. Strategies that have been winning for you, will not necessarily be useful for him.
An illustrative example - school certificate. Not so long ago he was one of the decisive arguments for admission to university, and now plays almost no role. And the forces that you have in your time spent on the excellent training, today better spent preparing for the DPA and External testing.
2. Generalization "All of you are"
Accusations of address generation - parents of children accused of is what supposedly sinful born in the late 90s. Children now, it appears, and atheists and libertines, entirely smoke and drink, one and all are dependent on the Internet, does not want to work and do not deliberately yield grandmothers in transport. Such generalizations are insulting and baseless. It is hardly necessary to explain that all people are different. Of course, there are many modern challenges, but they are concerned not only youth, but all of humanity.
3. The word "teenager"
The teenager - it is as if "under-adult". He is no longer a cute little toddler, but has not yet risen to the stage of evolution at which it will call the person. Growing and developing, the child does not evaluate who he is now, a child or teenager. He does not feel some human larva, which is necessary to gain nutrients to reach a certain period turn into imago.
Also, try to make sense of the image that you associate with the word "teenager". Most likely, it will be a typical Gopnik: sweatshirt in the husk of the seeds, screaming headphones, mat-peremat, shuffling gait. "Difficult teenager", "teenage crisis", "adolescent acne" - in short, too much trouble associated with that word.
4. Gender error - "You're a boy / girl you're"
Many girls want to play football, many boys want to do hair dolls. Moreover, sometimes the boys and girls want to play together. They do not care about the conventions that exist in the adult world, they do not yet have an idea of the roles that are imposed both sexes culture. Especially unfair methods by which parents try to educate. "Do not laugh out loud, you're a girl!", "Girls can not play in the war," "Boys do not wear pink", "Do not cry, you're not a girl," "Men do not cry!".
Needless to say bouquet of psychological problems that follow such an installation? Today, nobody wants brutal knights in armor and ladies, delicate, like a stalk snowdrop, these images are no longer relevant and seem unconvincing. It is not necessary to prohibit the boys beat the girls. Why not to say that every person is worthy of respect and that the fight - it is in principle the best way to clarify the relationship?
Top 7 Tips harmful to adults about parenting / istockphoto.com
5. Touching stories of childhood
Yes Yes. When a family holiday gathering about fifty people at a large table, and mothers are encouraged to begin to divide stories about the antics of their golopopyh offspring grown heroes of these stories are often willing to climb the wall of impotent rage. For parents of such stories - a great way to indulge in nostalgia for the days when their child was dearer and carefree kittens. But for children, it is usually painful memories, memories of the shameful nonsense that they would be glad to forget.
Imagine that your boss comes into the office and at all starts detailed story about how you went 3 years ago by the toilet. Provided that a shame? But the same child feels when his parents start to savor these memories, rolling his eyes with emotion. If a child against, do not stand on a general review of its history "exploits". Even if they seem to be very nice and funny. In fact, they can cause real pain and hurt. Maybe with time, the child will reconsider their views on their own childhood, but can - until the end of life will blush. Anyway, it's - its history.
6. motivation criticism
Criticism, especially groundless, usually does not reach the goal. For human motivation there are hundreds of other positive and humane ways - from praise to duty "we hold fists for you." If a child does something weak, he had to explain it delicately, not drowning in problems, "The more you swear, the more you work," and without making feel like a loser. And be sure to arguing their point of view.
7. "Why because!" The view that children's useless to explain something
Huge mistake - if your kids are anything in life do not understand and it is useless to explain anything. On the contrary, the child decided he needed a clear understanding of what, why and how. Blurry authority of age and life experience will not help here. On the age and experience of children in general, as a rule, do not care. Their external submission may lie fear or servility, but neither one nor the other has nothing to do with respect. The explanation - it is a kind of act of trust and recognition.
Talking with your child, answering his questions, arguing, you did not fall into his eyes. In school, most pupils are respected precisely those teachers who do not consider it shameful to chew 10 times the same, carefully choosing her words and finding the most clear examples. Undoubtedly, this is not easy, but nobody promised that the children would be easy.
The golden rule of communication with your child
The most important thing in communication with your child - is to lose the crown and speak sincerely. Hypocrisy, obsession and the excessive elevation of their adult "I" does not help to keep credibility and build rapport. Children do not like acting and can not tolerate the arrogant attitude. But respect and understanding valued very highly and are happy to respond in kind.
Also you will be interested to read this: what mistakes you should not be allowed in the upbringing of children
