Nigel Latta - New Zealand psychologist with 20 years of experience - in the best tradition of Sherlock Holmes and his deductive the method is for moms universal "training manual" of parenting advice sons, which calls itself "Synologiey".
This set of rules it considers particularly boyish physiology, thinking and offers a versatile education of boys short course. Doing so with a marvelous sense of humor, defining itself the process of education "long and fascinating wanderings through fields and winding canyons boyhood years."
A big difference
Nigel Latta in his book "Synologiya. Mothers raising sons, "cites the example of the differences between male and female brain, thereby encouraging mothers to understand why a lot of necessary in the education of the son would be for her obvious surprise.
♦ Brain girls and boys "made" in different ways. They differ from each other so much that it seems as if they are really from different planets.
♦ On average, women talk more than men. (The most common are the following figures: in the day, the women speak an average of 20 000 words, men - only 7000).
♦ Research shows that the emotional centers and communication centers in the brain the boys separated, so it is difficult to talk about their feelings.
♦ The study shows that newborn girls prefer to look people in the face, and the boys - to follow moving objects.
♦ The structure of the eyes of boys and girls are different, so the girls in his drawings using many colors, and the boys - only a few and darker.
♦ Hearing the girls about seven times higher than boys of hearing, so the boys can not hear the softly speaking female teachers.
♦ Scan shows that by the time they start school boy brain lags behind in the development of girls from the brain for a period of 6 months to 2.5 years.
2 to 19: a short training course
Summarizing the list of differences, he Latta wrote: "The boys are not like girls, and we know it. However, from my point of view, all this talk about what men and women - from different planets and have very different brains, nothing good mothers do not give. Do not forget that between you and your son have more in common than different. "
On this belief it offers moms learn three pieces of advice for each stage of growing boys - from toddlers to teenagers.
"Simply increasing number of boards you will not need - said Latta. - It makes no sense to give a score - so you simply do not remember. And three is enough. "
Parenting Toddlers (2-6 years)
- Have fun.
- This is a wonderful age, so try to make the most of it. Venturing as much silly talk. Chatted about butterflies, puddles and dice. You talk as much as you can.
- To explain to him all the wealth of choice.
- If he finds that in addition to anger, there are joy, sadness, confusion, fear, surprise, daring, gloom, melancholy (kids love it word), mourning, happiness and more, will you give him to understand that his choice is much wider at the outset than anger or just joy. If you ask the kid if he was somber, and somehow it's funny to beat, he likes it, even if it really is not too cheerful.
- Invent as much as possible and more sophisticated.
- It is impossible to overestimate the importance of deception. It's a lot of fun - for you and for him. At this age, they believe any nonsense, so you have the opportunity to create around them worlds of magic and sorcery. It is an enormous power, but it is very short-lived, so use it while you can.
The big boys (7-11 years)
- Show interest.
- Sometimes it's really hard. However, try to be interested in his life, and when your son becomes a teenager, he would know that his mom can always find time to listen to him.
- Teach him flexibility.
- Help him develop a flexible approach to their emotional reactions. Typically, in the midst of rage, you can not do anything, except to try to calm him down, so debriefing until later. Talks before bedtime - the best time to discuss the splash of anger. Ask: Was there another way to respond to the situation, or the way he understands it - the only option that came into his head?
- Develop his self-confidence.
- It's simple: you just have to say that he is an intelligent boy and will be able to understand this myself. Say that he is well aware of the emotions: it not make sense that, in his opinion, it is not suitable. Add that he is - a strong man, he will not let the feelings prevail, pushing on the wrong things.
Mysterious adolescents (12-18 years)
- Free space.
- Do not overwhelm his words. Let it breathe freely. He will think about what you said, if he had the chance. Sometimes it is enough to set the issue and leave the teenager alone with him. The more freedom you give him, the more he will think about your words.
- Pragmatism - that's it.
- The teenager lives according to the formula, "Why do I need this?". If you understand this, it is half done. When you talk to him, try to submit their observations in terms of efficiency, so that he saw them as useful and beneficial.
- Less is better.
- Most importantly, the thing to remember when talking to young people: as few words as possible. Do not use commas in their proposals and as infrequently as possible to ask questions. Work best short, simple, clear request. The more words in your offer, the greater the opportunity to start a debate.
