Many parents of the forces are knocked out, trying to give your child the best education and development almost from birth. But, as practice shows, all the truths that parents find helpful and correct, in fact, not only is not useful in the future child, but on the contrary, prevented him from becoming successful in life. What mistakes in parenting parents allow and what to do, explains psychologist
Lyudmila Petranovskaya - psychologist, teacher and writer - is confident that those parents the truth that adults is correct totally useless, and often - and harmful to our children, because the brand outdated. In his article, the psychologist explains what Mistakes in Raising allow parents, from what should be discarded, because it is not modern and not useful, and what to take into consideration.
We prepare children for the day before the world
95% of what is taught in school - irrelevant
There is a saying: the generals are always preparing for the last war. For parents and teachers this applies even more. Parents raise their children in the present day. When we think about how to be good for our children, we look around and analyze their surroundings and from this draw conclusions about what they teach, nothing to learn where to send. But we rarely think that by the time our kids grow up, today is the day before yesterday for them.
But even here the parents give a lot of points ahead of the school, which already prepares children for the day before the day. Already today, 95% of what is taught to children in school, there spent their time and effort, irrelevant, irrelevant, even today, not to mention the future. It is a paradox of education that in some other areas we plan ahead, we are engaged in strategic planning, I think what will happen, but when it comes to raising children, we seem to forget about the fact that time - there is, and life - It is changing.
In ten years, will disappear 15% of the currently existing occupations
According to forecasts, over the next ten years will disappear from 12 to 15% of the currently existing occupations. Your children have not rise, many of them have not finished school and will not be 12-15% of the ordinary, basic occupations that now there are around us. We can hardly imagine what will happen in 20 years, when it is precisely all your children grow up.
The modern world is characterized by great speed changes. Everyone remembers when you got the first personal computer? A first mobile phone? In our hall already there are people who do not remember how it was not, do not represent, as it could not be.
Mobile phone - this is not just some technical feature - it changes our lives, our relationships, for example, with children who are now grown in the continuous monitoring of the situation. Before your parents know what you do all day? Now which one of you is willing to accept the fact that you have until the evening will not know where your child is, what it does, whether the cap put on, eaten it?
Children understand better than adults in many ways
How strong is changing the lives of the internet? In every sense, from a remote work opportunities, ending with the fact that we can no longer control what and when to recognize our child.
Some psychologists ask: "At what age can allow your child to have a page on social networks?" Guys, he forgot to ask you! He has a minute to change your phone with a classmate all will lead, all will go where he wants, and you will not even know.
And indeed the child understands this better than you.
It is also very interesting new phenomenon - we are now children often understand something better than adults. Never in the history of mankind was not like this, and now it is the norm.
And in a situation of such rapid change, this unpredictability, such ambiguity adults are nervous, they do not know what will happen next. Not by chance are so popular futurists, who are trying to figure out what will happen next. When parents are nervous, they begin to put pressure on the children, requiring them to future compliance, which we do not know.
I think it is a feature of our time: on the one hand, we understand that we can not predict the future, on the other hand, we are experiencing. But worry about the future is impossible, because you can not worry about what you do not know!
There are many opportunities doverstat their education
... a young colleague who went to Europe a few years ago, says that there is generally a different attitude to education: right after school go to university or pronounced intellectuals botanists, who will do research, or the children of wealthy parents, which is a variant of the extension of childhood.
All others prefer to work first and look around for some time, or working on low-skilled jobs, to travel around the world. Attend as assistants and assistants in different areas, then go to some bachelor. After his graduation year or several years work, and then go to the magistracy, sometimes in a different specialty.
On the first undergraduate course sitting next to former students, and those who are 30 and those who are 50. And that's fine. The man was previously not possible, or he did not understand. it is his.
But we stick stubbornly if baby has not arrived after school to university - life is a failure, I am a bad mother, do all the terrible catastrophe, "the janitor will!".
Forecasts are now saying that the children born in the new century, since 2000, is likely to live 100-120 years, if nothing happens catastrophic. And you they make the brain due to the control of chemicals.
Sometimes you just maybe talk to your child about what to live for 120 years, so he was not planning to jump off the roof because of poor exam or unrequited love? Maybe talk to him about that in front of him a long life, and all this has changed 10 times, and if he wants to learn chemistry (if she needed it), it is possible.
Look at what is now a huge number of opportunities doverstat their education, if at one time you did not get it. And this is the model to which we move. We will learn more than once and for all life, and lifelong learning, and relearn many times.
And we are trying to inculcate in children the views of our parents
Another example. How much attention we pay to foreign languages. Indeed, in the modern world no English anywhere. Poor knowledge of the language of our science is very slow, because our average competitor doctoral degree may not be able to read the current article.
But, apparently, we are separated by five, maximum ten years of very good work in sync google-translator, and then all those hours and years spent in English, will simply not needed. Yes, google-translator will not let you ever read Shakespeare in the original, enjoying, but what percentage like knowing English is now doing this? And someone will still, why not.
exotic hobby people will always remain. 15-20 years old exotic hobby will be the ability to drive a car, as well as now someone likes and he knows how to ride a horse. People are looking for a special place, where it is taught, and take money for it rather big, and ride for fun. And when something was not normal, that people do not know how to ride a horse.
In this situation, we are committed to continue to experience for the children and try to inculcate in them the same the views, the same ideas about what is right, what is better, what is worse, what were our parents, our ancestors.
When you have too steep staircase, you instinctively grasping the handrail. When there is too rapid pace of change, people instinctively cling to nostalgia and thinking, "That's how good it was before." Heard a nostalgic "But there before the children obey their parents", "But before children respected", "But before the children read the books?" Psychologically, this is very understandable.
Another question: do you feel nostalgic - not nostalgic, but the time line goes in the same direction.
Top 6 of outdated ideas that we are still introducing in the children's heads
The idea №1: Good to have reliable lifelong profession
Of course, there are professions that are probably not exactly disappear. Some doctors will still be, but it will be the doctors who are likely to be very little resemblance to today. And to such an article, someone will have to re-learn about completely.
The idea №2: We need to save money
Following the conviction, inherited from our grandmothers, but we confess themselves and trying to impress the children - you need to save for a "rainy day", even to save money. But what it is "to save money" in today's world? How? Remember Agatha Christie: He left her as some pounds, she put them in the bank at interest, lived in them its a nice little farmhouse with two spalenki and a small garden next to it, and drank tea at Tiffany's sometimes.
In the modern world this is not possible, all bets have long been negative, but to save and to save money only to some very short-term. Then what to do with them? They have to be somewhere to invest, and where - you need to know. Just like that bring to the bank and put it is impossible to calm down, to put even more stupid in a stocking. Although I do not know that fool may, in the situation of the banking crisis in stocking smarter. But the strategy of "copy money and you will have happiness" does not work anymore.
In this case, we often teach children to frugality, to something such that too often today is not relevant. In today's world often simply change a thing than fuss over the fact that it does not break and does not stain. It is an objective and correct on all sides. With the economy, including money, time, and other things, not counting the nerves.
In the book «SelfMama» I wrote for working mothers life hacking. If your child's school has a form, buy three times more clothes than he needs objectively. Thus you will save time and will not be forced to wash and dry the hair dryer in the form of night, Sunday or Saturday, if you have worked.
People Shock: How is this so? What would my grandmother if I bought three times more clothes than you need to for my child? Well, sit down, recalculate. How much is the extra skirt or an extra jacket for your child? How much is your working hours? Often these are people who have a working hour is worth more than the cost of a skirt, but my grandmother told me not to.
The idea №3: It is necessary to accumulate knowledge in the whole deal
I talked about "saving money", and now I will about the "hoard knowledge." Man should know everything. The child must read everything. "100 books that must be read your child", "100 films that are a must-see." on the list of museums is necessary, be sure it is necessary. And the idea that it is important to accumulate knowledge, is not relevant at all in the present.
The volume of information is such that it is impossible to accumulate, and the availability of this information is such that in mind it makes no sense. Absolutely irrelevant. The school is fully seated on it - accumulate knowledge. Broad education, learning 50 years ago gave a competitive advantage, and now only one where you can use it - to play the game on TV.
In fact, in the modern world - everybody talks about it - much more effectively navigate the sea of information, to be able to produce it, to be able to structure, to be able to distinguish between reliable information and fake. Where it taught? The man himself will learn on the Internet. Not at school, not the parents. Someone learn, and some do not.
The idea №4: We need to do everything well, efficiently
All you need to do well, not carelessly, not anyhow, quality. My grandfather said: "You can not do anything anyhow." Not relevant. If in today's world, you try to do everything well, you will not last long stretch, honestly I tell you. The challenge in today's world, on the contrary, quite the opposite - to be able to deftly and quickly determine what we do as well as possible, that we are doing is acceptable and what we are doing anyhow.
Here it just school teaches good because asking so much that it is impossible to do everything. If the parents can not bear children brain with his hand and do not need this distraction.
Who are older remember the typical amount of homework, for example, in elementary school? Three examples, and one exercise. You see that now set! This situation teaches children just to make a choice, but the important position of parents: if they are, hanging, which All you need to do well, and then complain that the child is sitting at 5-6 hours lessons with a neurosis, with hysteria.
Or they tell the child that in this situation, it is impossible to do, come on, landmark, understands that it is possible to cut and what should be done qualitatively, let me help you. Necessary competence in the modern world - to rank the problem: what should be done to the conscience that needs to be done at the level of "come" right thing to do, if only untethered.
The idea №5: We need to try to succeed diligence
Another important truth, which was considered inviolable our grandparents that all good comes through hard work, you should try and diligence will achieve the result.
What we see around us? Around we see successful people, many of them work very hard. Can they work to name the words "hard work", "work achieve?"
They work as undermined, because it is their rushing they like, they are in their stream. And someone even accidentally succeeds, and someone succeeds, is clearly not in line with efforts.
Why Facebook has become the owner of a very rich man, and the owners of other systems that may even have been better, were bought by Facebook? Suffice it to chance, it was a good time, something like that happened. Children are not fools, they see that in the modern world studiousness does not equal success, and we continue to require them to perseverance and hard as the main qualities.
The idea №6. Up the career ladder
A career in the modern world is less than vertical nature, the nature of the hierarchy. What was always -tshag by step, step by step: workers stayed, then a foreman, then head of production and so on. You have to get to the big hierarchy, a large corporation, in some larger structure, and there stupenechka for stupenechkoy climb higher. And if you do not get into this hierarchy, then you do not have much chance.
What we are seeing in the world today, thanks to the connection? Again there was a horizontal career. When was the last time it was? Middle Ages, the city of artists, you do not make a career in corporations, you're just doing the best pletesh pots or mats, is the glory about you, that way you do not make one.
And you're doing a horizontal career, you do not become the head of all the potters, you just do the coolest pots, and come to you with all the surrounding cities, your pots grow in value, and you will take a maximum of people in the apprentice, they were doing something similar, but still not the same as you. Here is a horizontal career. The modern world makes it very affordable.
Career concept in the modern world is not about what you are required to belong to something big and clamber inside the structure, and that you know something special and unique. You can be an expert in embroidery cross by the ancient Sumerians - from the bulldozer now speaking - and, in principle, people who are interested in cross stitching method of the ancient Sumerians, the whole earth can be 500 people among 7.5 billion.
Previously, you had no chance to make it, you had to work somewhere, and their crosses with the Sumerians engaged at night in his kitchen. Now, if you find yourself a master, which stunned both cross stitching in Sumerian, thanks to internet connectivity and you can this make: will these 500 webinars, workshops, they will go to you for advice, buy your products.
I remember one quite amazing advice, which I had with my mother sixteen boys. She was very angry with him, he was walking to school, not doing lessons and so on. In general, I came to this text that I have it so lazy, he does not do anything, do not know how he will live a nightmare.
I started to find out, and what he does when he is not doing lessons, word for word it is found out that the boy composes music computer games, earns about three thousand euros per month, demand in Australia, in Canada, somewhere yet. And for some reason he does not want to go to school and not enough hard reading a novel "War and Peace".
If we require the child to do things efficiently, it will not have a chance to become something better
Now what is there, and for many children this way of life, which is five years, the child has no time to play. With one lesson he goes to another, the other third. Moreover, if the child himself is engaged in something, it often does not cause my parents any respect: "It's his stupidity, okay, a little bit and play, between lessons and activities for additional English."
Although, again, we understand that he has a chance to make a career just due to the fact that he is interested. Again, the child needs to respect the fact that he is interested in what he will become a true master. It's just a matter of choosing what to do quality, and that anyhow. If we require the child to do things efficiently, then it will not have a chance to become something better, but in the modern world it is the key to success, not even "get it right".
As a result, the pressure of parents and school (of course, then there's school the parents would give a head start) leads to the fact that children come to feeling that they have selected the remote control of their lives, and they do not decide anything for themselves, their only here and there, back and forth. It is believed that this is all very developing environment, but children sometimes do not have free time to just lie down, just to check, just to chat with friends. Just look at the clouds and the weather.
For some reason it is considered to be very cool, when a man has no time for it, when he does not have time just to think, just to think, just feel, mourn looking at the rain, for example. It is impossible, because it is five minutes, and after ten it, and still need to do the job for tomorrow about this, this and this.
When a child feels a pawn, he is satisfied with passive resistance
As a result, as soon as the child discovers for himself - and it usually occurs in adolescence - he can just say "no" and he did not make it exactly is and does. As soon as he discovers for himself the method of Italian strike "lie down on the couch and did not get up with him" - he even does it. As soon as he finds out the possibility, for example, to lock themselves in a room and say that he is afraid to go out - he even does it.
Now there are whole natural disaster such "new Oblomov." In Japan, they are called "reclusive". Young people are locked in a room, do not go anywhere and do nothing, do not study, do not work, do not communicate with anyone, at best, sit on the computer, and sometimes sleep.
The young man does not study, does not work, does not do anything. You can not even say that he is walking to school because he tusit with friends. No, he and his friends are not tusit, he does nothing.
Almost every time, when parents ask me what it was before, there is a history of the early history of rapid development when the child pulled taught, thrust into his head and then, and sho, fifth or tenth. And there were so many expectations, a gifted boy, this budding girl, an interesting child, he needs to give a little more, because he has so much talent, all they need to develop.
The child lived for years in this state, when he had taken back the control panel, it feels like some kind of a pawn, which are rearranged. At some point he becomes a teenager, he had an identity crisis going on, and he realizes that his only way to reclaim their subjectivity, to regain their control - it's just strike. You know, the supporters of non-violence as protesters sit on the pavement, his hands are engaged with each other and provide the police to take away them. They do not fight, do not run away, but so, passive resistance to express their will. Just a child.
What qualities are needed for children in the future?
The entire modern world requires just the opposite - the involvement, enthusiasm, liveliness. Experts identify four competencies that are most needed children in the world that comes and has already begun in part. They are called the four "C":
- communication,
- cooperation,
- creativity
- and critical thinking.
The most valuable things that parents can give children:
1. The fundamental values of life
2. Self-confidence and trust in yourself
3. parental support
4. Freedom of choice, independence
You will be interested to know, Why can not worry about the children
