Remember how you react to a family conflict situation: look for compromise, begin to argue? Well, when your child is able to stand up for themselves. Bad when he does not know the difference between self-defense and aggression.
Quarrels children differ spontaneity and transience. Only that they are together were playing, We joking, laughing - and suddenly a storm of negative emotions, name-calling in the spirit of "Fool!" - "The fool!" Toy spreading and promises "I'm with you more than ever ..." mutual butting and cuffs, tears and hurt pursed lips... And while parents uptake, which is why all the fuss, the younger generation has time to cool, make up, get comfortable in front of a laptop... and to find new reasons for conflict.
How to teach your child to get out of the conflict
If you do not teach a child to deal with conflict situations at the level of the sandbox, he would not know how to deal with them in the future. Moreover, he can come to the conclusion that the only way to solve the problem - the use of force: who could take away a toy, he is done.
A child needs to explain that any dispute should be resolved through words, not fists, because there is always someone who is stronger - and then you get oh how.
- It is necessary to suggest that other people can not take things without permission - you first need to ask. And if you refuse - that is no reason to play up, cry or fight. If someone does not want to share toys with you - get another boyfriend.
- But if your child is less than 4 years, no matter how you try to convince him that if a problem occurs it is necessary to negotiate, he will not be able to do so. At this age children still do not have enough vocabulary and reasoning skills, so they need the help of adults. You have to show by example how to behave in these situations.
- Unscrambling not divide something children stay calm - do not shout, do not call anyone. Ask what happened, giving each of them an opportunity to speak. It is necessary not only to understand who is to blame, how to show that it is important to hear the views of both sides.
Learning that your child hurt, do not jump on it, "the enemy" and kindly explain what to do so badly. (Do not try to enter into a squabble with his parents!) Yes, you are a mother should protect the interests of the child, but it does not give you the right to take it out on someone else's child. Your task - to soothe and reconcile children and not adjust them even more against each other.
If this is your child has been the instigator of quarrels or a fight, do not report it at all. Move aside, calm down, ask a friend to apologize, or do it yourself on his behalf. If the child does not calm down, get him home and have no foreign explain why he is not right. "If you want to play with you kids and friends - toys gone, no one was hurt."
Protection or attack: how to teach the child the ability to stand up for himself / istockphoto.com
How to reach a compromise
Quarrels children over 5-6 years is much deeper than just toys section. They are associated with such feelings as envy, jealousy, resentment.
All you need here is not so much direct intervention as advice. A climb without the need for disassembly children over 10 years is not worth - undermine the credibility of the child. It is important to help your child deal with their emotions, as well as the motives of his opponent.
Encourage your child to imagine yourself in the place of your opponent. Try together and as detailed as possible to describe what it looks like all of him, or play the situation by role (you, of course, is the "villain"). This method will help to understand the actions of another person and to learn to understand people.
Try to lucidly explain what compromise and how it can achieve. Many children believe that it is a solution that suits everyone. Yeah, well, when possible. But often we have to go to a compromise, which in one way or another do not like anybody - simply for lack of a better way out.
Hit or run away?
Every father wants his son could stand up for himself. And mom is nice when it is not growing boy whiner, complaining about not running for any reason, and he is able to deal with their peers. All this is well and good. Problems begin when parents encourage or provoke aggression in children, even the best of intentions.
The child wants to be a leader, and a fight - a good way to prove their superiority. In addition, it helps to relieve tension, to throw out the energy and negative emotions, and more... just have fun. So do not have much to worry about this, but can not approve of such behavior.
Sometimes fathers teach his son "to hit back" without explaining the difference between defense and attack and making him believe that aggression and force always ready to help resolve any problems and succeed. Cinema confirms this version! But then life shows your child that everything is not so, and it is a blow, because no other way to "survive", he does not know for him. And sometimes it breaks off the wings is not a strong contender, but some... Lanky smart.
Protection or attack: how to teach the child the ability to stand up for himself / istockphoto.com
Teach your child to think, to look for solutions
Not every child is able to physically confront the bully-peers. If your son is vulnerable and indecisive, and so it all hurt, do not be ashamed of it, and help deal with the problem.
Select the sports section, which he liked. It is not necessary against the will encourage your child to engage in the struggle. It can be tennis, swimming, skiing. Training will make it physically stronger, tougher, and most importantly - will give confidence. But if sports - this is not it, do not insist.
Learn to operate your head, not your hands, because winning is not the one who is stronger, but the one who is smarter. To retreat from the battlefield - does not mean surrender. This tactic allows you to avoid unnecessary bloodshed, to think things through and to calculate - and go to the other, "unexpected" side.
Also you will be interested to read this: how to develop a child's imagination: the magic technique
