My children, when they were little, constantly confessed their love to me, just like that. Sometimes they even said: “I love you too,” and I was surprised, because it sounded like an answer to my confession, but I did not say anything. And then I simply answered: “And I love you even more.”
I used to try to write down all the little things about my children. The first teeth, the first words, the first wonderful deeds that touched and made me laugh. Now I take out my notes dear to my heart, leaf through them, and I can’t even remember some moments. And I'm ashamed of it. I feel guilty for forgetting what used to be so important.
It seems to me that I remember everything that happened to my children, I remember how we played in childhood, how I stroked their hair, so silky and gentle, like little hands hugged me, how I regretted because of another abrasion, how I rejoiced with them at the first successes, and cried because of some of their failures, how I did not sleep at night when my babies were ill due to fever, sore throat or night nightmare. Such nights, it would seem, are not forgotten at all, but no. I was there, but why did so many of the past memories just fade away?
Yes, we forget most of what we have lived. Even if it is connected with our dear children. And those nights too will be forgotten. And also those when the kids just couldn’t sleep, and I stroked them on the back, and they confessed their love to me and kissed me on the cheek.
Their gifts, sweet smiles, mispronounced words, talk about something magical, performances in kindergarten and at school. We swore that we would never forget such moments, because they are very bright and memorable.
We sometimes think that our brain is like a computer, and all memories will definitely fall into a separate folder called "Important". However, in reality, everything is completely different. And now I feel guilty for somehow forgetting something that was so important. After all, I probably should have told about such moments later to my grandchildren.
It turns out that you can’t trust your brain with important information, it will either erase it or hide it behind some other memories. I'm a mom, I have to remember all the details and details about my children, right?
It is sad and depressing because of such a loss. And I just now realized it. We want all our children's childhood to be remembered like a favorite movie. But sometimes we remember our favorite movie even better! But why not with children?
I think we all need to understand that even if we do not remember some important moments, they are still the thread that connects us with our children. They create our relationship with children, and these relationships last a lifetime.
Yes, some details from the past may be lost, but they are all part of one big picture. We do not see them individually, but as a whole the picture is visible to us, and it is beautiful. We don't remember memories, but we feel emotions from them.
Children, of course, also do not remember much, but, thanks to maternal tenderness and love, they change, become better, and this is how a connection is formed between us.
Dear young mothers, of course, it is impossible to fix every memory on paper, but it is worth trying to do it. And for mothers who have older children, I would advise you not to get hung up the way I do, on those moments that have disappeared somewhere from memory. It is important that all these moments left a pleasant imprint in your life and the life of your children! And I will definitely come to this too, to awareness, to understanding, and let go of my guilt...
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/samoe-hudshee-v-materinstve-nevozmozhnost-vspomnit-vse-do-maloj-krohi.html
