5 reasons not to visit a woman in the hospital

Your friend or relative gave birth - and you are in a hurry to be the first to see baby, congratulate her personally, hand over balloons, flowers and a cake?

We recommend that you slow down and find out 5 main reasons why you should not visit a new mother in the hospital.

Huge stress and need for rest

Some women find childbirth easy, but not all. For most, this is a huge physical and emotional stress.

After giving birth, a young mother needs peace, rest and comfort, and not advice, questions and other people's gasps.

She needs to realize herself and her life in a new status, cry from pain and happiness, get to know a little man who has just been born.

The need for privacy

A young mother in the very first hours / days after childbirth establishes breastfeeding. This can be quite difficult.

If not everything turns out easily and simply, then the mother is almost all the time with bare breasts, nurses help her massage, she expresses herself, etc.

In addition, after childbirth, the woman continues to bleed profusely, she walks (but rather lies) in huge urological pads or with a diaper sandwiched between her legs, she and the baby are examined every day doctors.

In all this state, when blood flows there, milk flows here, into the most secret places the medical staff unceremoniously intervenes, and the prospect of going to the toilet is terrifying - you don’t feel like it at all meet guests.

A young mother needs to lie down a lot, rest, take care of her own hygiene and feed her baby.

Pain

Childbirth is often accompanied by incisions, tears, suturing. All this hurts for a few more weeks.

The uterus also contracts - and this also hurts.

The child does not always take the breast correctly - and this is very painful.

A woman can be in a state where it seems that everything hurts her.

Would you like to host when everything hurts and pain medication is not available?

Fear of rejection

You asked permission to come - and they let you in? Most likely, the woman in labor was simply uncomfortable to say “no” to you.

If she refused, you would be offended, right? As if it were your right, not a privilege, to visit a newborn.

And the young mother is simply too tired to indulge in discussions or withstand other people's grievances.

Do you want to be an uninvited guest? Or is it better to wait at least a couple of weeks and come when you are really welcome?

Silly questions and advice

Almost all visitors one way or another begin to ask stupid questions or give unsolicited advice.

In fact, the whole conversation of a woman in labor with those who came to her is generally built on this.

You won't discuss new movies, will you? No, you will only talk about the woman and the baby.

What question might be relevant here? Virtually none unless it's an offer of help.

“Did it hurt to give birth?”, “What do the doctors say about your condition?”, “What stitches did you put in? When to shoot?", "What else hurts?", "Why is the baby dressed so warmly / lightly?", "Maybe feed him / feed him less often / give him water to drink / buy / swaddle / turn over, etc.?", " What about the navel are you working on?", "Does your chest take?", "Poops?", "You need to buy ...", "You need more often ..." - this is all such a gross interference in personal space that it's better not to go into the ward at all to the birthing woman.

And a few tips for those who will still visit the young mother. For example, to give food or some things.

1. Do not comment on the appearance of a young mother

Even if you want to compliment, or maybe, on the contrary, regret - just keep silent.

Yes, the stomach has not yet gone - and should not. Yes, she is exhausted and tries not to look at herself in the mirror.

2. Don't be sorry

If the woman herself does not begin to complain to you and clearly ask for regret, then you do not need to feel sorry for her.

Now she is trying to gather all the moral and physical strength to become a good mother and recover quickly.

Your pity will only hammer her self-esteem to the floor.

3. Offer specific help

The question "How can I help you?" can lead to a dead end.

Offer specific options: "Let me get you something tasty?", "Let's watch the baby while you take a shower?", "What kind of things do you need to bring?" etc.

4. Wear a protective medical mask

If you are the father of the child and were present at the partner birth, then this, of course, does not concern you.

But if you are a grandmother, grandfather, girlfriend or other person close to the woman in labor, understand that you can be a carrier of a viral infection, even without symptoms.

And a newborn can pick up this infection very quickly. So be sure to use a mask and do not get too close to the child.

5. Keep your advice to yourself

You may have given birth and raised four children, but this mother and her baby do not need advice, especially persistent, and comments.

If a new mother asks for your advice or opinion, that's another matter.

But insisting, engaging in moralizing is definitely not necessary if you want to continue to communicate with this family.

A young mother is very vulnerable, anxious, she constantly doubts and worries. Don't confuse her further.

6. Don't pick up the baby

Maybe mom let you take the baby because she couldn't refuse. But it is better not to take the initiative in this matter.

As soon as you took the child in your arms - believe me, mom immediately wanted to pick him up.

Now she perceives the baby still as a part of herself, literally physically feels him. And now you are an outsider for them, even if a close relative.

7. Don't stay too long

If you can’t help the woman in labor here and now, it’s time for you to go home, and for her to have a good rest.

You will find it helpful to read:

• 7 common mistakes new moms make
• The impossible promises that all young parents make to themselves
• how not to lose friends after childbirth