How to learn to stand up for yourself and say "no" in time

Many people are afraid to speak their mind discontent or their desires out loud, so as not to offend anyone. Here are some tips from psychologists on how best to express your opinion in order to do it neatly and at the same time defend your rights.

1. Briefly state what you want first.

If you are defending your rights, start with the main thing, without going too far. For example, say to an uninvited mother-in-law: "It would be more convenient for me if you warned in advance that you would come to us. For example, I would buy something for tea."

2. Keep Goodwill

Start talking about your dissatisfaction before it has reached a boiling point and you can no longer contain your emotions and control your tone. The whole conversation should take place in a friendly manner, without a bias towards resentment or aggression (even if your interlocutor does this).

3. Don't fall for devaluation

In response to the words that something offended you, you can hear dumbfounded: “What are you doing? What happened to you? I didn't mean to offend you, are you kidding me?" And now you already feel that you offended an innocent person and you were offended in vain.

Stop! You know better if you're offended or not. If other people's words and actions hurt you and violate your rights and boundaries, do not allow yourself to be manipulated in this way. Calmly say: "And yet ..." - and continue your thought.

4. Prepare for Emotional Abuse

It is often the hardest thing to defend yourself against emotional tyrants. They are of two types: aggressive and passive. In both cases, they doom those around them (mostly those close to them) to choosing their words, expressions, and tone of communication carefully. And they do not care at all about the true opinion and desires of other people, believing that they are doing them for the good.

An aggressive tyrant in case of "disobedience" begins to get angry, insult and humiliate, and a passive tyrant falls into the role of a victim, whose efforts no one appreciates.

For example, parents come to visit you and begin to “clean up” without asking or warning. in your things, simply - dig, shift, sort, throw away what they themselves consider necessary. Naturally, you are trying to stop this illegal process.

To which the father gives birth to a tirade that "there will be no more legs in this house", slams the door and "goes into the sunset", and mother - cries and complains that "of course, who needs her at all, she is not welcome here, she just wanted to help, but she pounced."

You can take yourself out of this "theater" only by absolute calmness and maintaining a friendly tone. This is incredibly difficult, because they will try their best to piss you off.

What to do if you can't refuse to associate with emotional tyrants? First, keep it to a minimum. Secondly, meet on neutral or their territory, which will be easy for you to leave in case of urgent need.

Thirdly, to remain as calm as possible and not make any impulsive decisions at the time of the conflict. Fourth, in any case, continue to gently defend your rights.

5. Try to use positive phrases

Build your sentences in such a way that they do not contain the particle "not". So it will be easier to win over the interlocutor.

6. Think of the consequences of words spoken and not spoken

Usually people tend to mentally scroll through only negative options for their behavior: that they will be laughed at, that they will not understand, that a conflict will begin, etc. But it is by no means certain that this will be the case.

Maybe your words will just make your life better. They will get rid of other people's problems that you are not able to solve, or a job that was "hung" on you without any compensation, or a toxic relationship that should have been ended a long time ago.

7. Avoid categorical statements

Your words will definitely not find a positive response if you criticize others in a categorical manner. Of course, the mat and all obscene words should be automatically excluded.

Add constructions to your phrases that emphasize that this is only your subjective opinion.

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