Only over the years you understand that all childhood, youth, youth were spent on the desire to please everyone. We tried not to upset parents, teachers, employers. Once, when I was picking up a child from a kindergarten, I asked our teacher Tatyana Petrovna how she manages to discipline children in such a way. They sat quietly in her chairs and drew. And, one might think that it's just that the children are so calm, but no, our group is a real hurricane. The second teacher almost hangs herself from them.
Tatyana Petrovna is a man of the old school, she has extensive experience working with children, she is a strict but fair teacher. And she told me about her secret, which helped her calm all the tomboys that day:
- Nothing complicated. I came up with such candy wrappers for children as encouragement. And then she threatened them that in case of bad behavior, I would take them back to myself. And, you know, it worked!
I then thought, but it also works with adults. I have a lot of friends who, just not to upset anyone, are ready to endure any inconvenience! And everything comes just from childhood, from such situations as with Tatyana Petrovna. I did not interfere in the educational process of that woman, I am raising a child a little differently, and I think that the threats of some aunt had little effect on him. He and so I have a calm and assiduous to the same.
I have 3 very important rules that I always adhere to
1. I'm not a candy to please absolutely everyone
Again, if we talk about childhood, then the little girl becomes easily manageable and comfortable for others, in in particular, for parents and teachers at school, when she is required to be an excellent student, to behave with dignity in order to please everyone.
But is it possible to live without making a single mistake? Learn from mistakes. I consider it simply vital for someone to be bad, to piss someone off with their mere presence! It is important not to apologize at every step for the fact that you are such a person, and not some other. We must learn to accept ourselves not only good, but also bad, not only successful, but also unsuccessful!
2. I am not responsible for other people's sins
From childhood, we are taught to carry the burdens of the whole world, and then we turn into adult women, whom all these burdens can crush into cake! The parents tell the little girl to keep calm, because her noise will raise her blood pressure and she will die. By the way, these very grandmothers, who are so unhappy with children's noise, live up to 90 years for sure. You can’t get bad grades because mom will be upset, you need to take care of clothes and shoes, because dad will be angry if something breaks.
A grown-up girl, who has turned into an adult woman, then begins to torment herself so much that she suffers from a variety of real diseases! She burns like a candle because she works all sorts of "helping" jobs. She bears the cross for other people's failures and sins, she is used to being responsible for everything, controlling, trying not to stumble. And you need to be responsible only for your words and actions.
3. I don't let anyone tell me what to be and what to do
There are so many people around who like to exist according to clichés, giving out advice to others. They seem to know how to live, but it is necessary exactly as they see fit. I remember how my elderly neighbor met me on the street and saw fit to point me to my hairstyle. I was then a young mother, tired and tortured, ran out to throw out the trash while the kids were sleeping, and I had a careless bun gathered on my head. A neighbor told me that a woman should always have a neat and beautiful hairstyle.
Yes, I agree, at the age of a neighbor, you definitely need to always look beautiful. And anyway, what else is she to do in retirement? And I had a complete mess at home: the first teeth, snot, colic, sleepless nights. I was clearly not up to beauty at that time.
It is very difficult for adult women, because they have to be able to do everything, to be in time for everything and everywhere. But I think that it’s better to do this than to try to please everyone around, so that, God forbid, you don’t hurt anyone. Let everyone live according to clichés and stereotypes, this is their right. But for me - it's complete boredom, I have my own rules!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/3-pravila-vzrosloj-zhenshhiny.html
