In 90% of cases, sexual abuse of children is committed by acquaintances. These simple rules will teach your child personal boundaries, recognize the abuser and avoid abuse.
Unfortunately, in the modern world there are no one hundred percent proven methods that can protect a child from encountering sexual abuse. Moreover, according to American researchers, such violence often “walks” very close to children. According to statistics from the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDS), 90% of cases of sexual abuse the child the rapist was a familiar person - a high school student, teacher, tutor, coach, neighbor, close or distant relative.
Very often the rapist is well known and familiar to the child / istockphoto.com
Often, children themselves allow themselves to be sexually abused - first out of curiosity, then out of fear of their parents, out of fear of punishment or publicity. This kind of blackmail violence can last for years! However, parents can equip their child with the knowledge to help them recognize, avoid, or at least share the experience of sexual abuse. Crisis child psychologist Natasha Daniels compiled a list of 9 things that you definitely need to talk about with your child in order to prevent such incidents.
1. Call body parts by their proper names
From early childhood, teach children the correct naming of intimate areas, and tell them in as much detail as the child's age allows. Calling the private parts of the body with diminutive names (cookie, candy, pepper), you enter child into confusion, and "smear" the feeling of wrongness if he (God forbid) undergoes sexual violence. Indeed, what can be wrong if your uncle asks to show him a “pepper” or wants to touch a “cookie”?
2. Explain that private areas are personal.
When talking about body structure, constantly emphasize that intimate areas are not places for everyone. Nobody except mom and dad can see them naked. Sometimes it becomes necessary to show these places to the doctor, but he must necessarily carry out such an examination only with the permission of the parents.
3. Teach Your Child Body Boundaries
Explain to your child that the rule of body boundaries works both ways. No one should touch the intimate areas of the child, and the child himself should also not touch the intimate parts of the body of other people. Very often, violence begins with the fact that a pedophile asks a child to touch his genitals, or the genitals of his peer (the same age).
4. Say that there can be no bodily secrets from parents.
When talking about bodily boundaries, emphasize as much as possible that it cannot and should not be a secret for you. Very often rapists try to intimidate the child that his parents will punish him for such behavior. For example: "I will tell them that it was your idea and you will have big problems." Let the child understand that you will perceive any abnormality or secret adequately, and you will be on the child's side, that you should not hide anything from you - especially if someone insists on it.
Children do not talk about violence for fear of punishment / istockphoto.com
5. Explain that genitals should not be photographed
This moment is missed by many moms and dads. Meanwhile, today the Internet is full of pedophiles who get in touch with children and convince them to take some photos of an intimate nature. Many children do this first out of curiosity, and then they become victims of the most real blackmail. Perverts force them to take photos over and over again, scaring the publicity and manipulating them through fear of their parents.
6. Teach your child to get out of uncomfortable situations
Children who were brought up in unquestioning obedience to their elders often find it difficult to refuse an adult, even if he asks for unpleasant and obscene things. Especially if this person is well known to the child, and they are connected by some other relationship (study, training). Explain that in situations that the child thinks are wrong, try to get away as quickly as possible. It is best to say in this case that you really want to go to the toilet, or that it's time to call your parents.
7. Come up with a password for insecure situations
Sometimes the child wants to ask for help, but cannot do it openly due to the presence of a person who poses a danger. In this case, you will come up with some kind of code word, by which you can understand that the child needs to be taken out of an unpleasant situation. This word can be used in a telephone conversation (for example, a child is visiting and wants to be taken away) or even at home if there is someone among the guests who needs to be feared.
8. Tell me secret touches can be nice
It is not customary to tell children about this moment, and in vain. Indeed, in some cases, the touch of a stranger to the genitals can really cause a child to have pleasant sensations. And then there will be dissonance: mom and dad said it was bad, but he liked it. This creates false shame, as if the child himself wanted to be sexually abused. Therefore, it is very important not to call touching intimate parts of the word "bad". Better to call them "secret" touches, and remind again that even if they are pleasurable, they should not be done by an outsider.
9. Explain that these rules even apply to friends and acquaintances.
Returning to the sad statistics, we remind you that most often sexual violence comes from people who are familiar to the child (it may even be classmates). Therefore, it is important that he does not relate all prohibitions to abstract villains and criminals. Explain that the rules apply to everyone, regardless of age or connection to the child. Even if the child likes these people, or he considers them to be the main ones, under no circumstances is a request or demand that concerns intimate places considered normal.
You will also be interested in reading:
Sexual abuse: how to understand if a child has psychological trauma
The murder of a 6-year-old girl by a 13-year-old neighbor: how to understand that a "beast" is growing nearby - psychologist
