I'll tell you my opinion right away. It seems to me that we need to find a balance between these two components. To live for oneself, but not to the detriment of the children, to live for the children, but not to the detriment of oneself. For example, I will tell the story of two couples, and I will be glad if you react to my article and express your opinion in the comments.
The story of Lena and Seryozha
They got married quite early, by today's standards. She was only 19, he was 23. Young, happy, and still stupid. How happy the newlyweds were when they learned that they were expecting a little one. So glowing, happy. They prepared very carefully for the appearance of a new man! The parents donated the apartment to the children, having donated money. So, Seryozha's office immediately began to be re-planned as a nursery. We bought a bed, furniture, a bath. Lena went for an ultrasound scan, they said there would be a girl.
After that, the young people began to buy pink little things in all the shops: rubber bands, caps, hats, blouses for the baby, they ordered the best educational toys on the Internet. Then we ordered a stroller directly from Germany. And now, the long-awaited day has come! Seryozha and Lena finally had a daughter, Varya. And that's it, the whole family's usual way of life just collapsed. The young did not expect their lives to turn upside down. Seryozha thought that a beautiful wife and a delicious dinner would be waiting for him every day from work, but the girl became nervous, did not get enough sleep, was irritated by every little thing. Now absolutely the entire routine of each day was adjusted only for Varya.
The story is very common. Men who want a child so much, and do not understand what awaits them in reality, amuse themselves with strange hopes that everything will be as before. That everything will revolve around them. Moreover, their wives completely abandon themselves to raising babies, and completely cease to live for themselves.
My opinion
It is clear that if both parents were ready for hardships, then they would not have to choose - to live for themselves or live for the child. There would be a golden mean if the husband helped his wife with the child, with cleaning, with cooking. Then she would have had time to look beautiful, as well as she would be less tired. This means that the couple would have time for each other. And after all, in the end, Seryozha did not do anything. He decided to live for himself, began to stay late at work, disappear with friends, and, every time from partying he returned home, convinced that his wife was a grumpy bitch, and that in general he shouldn't have married her. Is this right? Did he do something himself to improve his relationship with his wife, and in general in the family?
The story of Alice and Misha
Alice, as they say, gave birth to a son for herself. I named him in honor of the deceased dad Alyosha. Misha - Alice's boyfriend, decided that children are not for him. He simply thought that it was easier for him to avoid responsibility, so he merged at the moment when his girlfriend on the test brightened 2 stripes. It is good that Alice was helped in everything by her mother. She took turns with her daughter to get up to the baby at night, went to her grandson for matinees, brought down his temperature and cured his cough.
Alyosha became a real hero, he did a lot of swimming, skiing, got a good education, found a well-paid job, bought a car, an apartment. Only in his 40s, Alyoshenka did not have a family or children. He has a mother, with whom he calls up 2-3 times a day. And, by the way, she did not manage to build a personal life, because she devoted all of herself to her son, and now sheds tears at night from loneliness.
My opinion
If you have already given birth “for yourself,” then you had to think ahead. This means that you should have immediately assumed that you might not build your personal life, or maybe you will not so frantically raising a child, growing to him with hands and feet, and still find time for myself.
What do psychologists say?
And psychologists say that in any family with the birth of a child, everything changes. If we talk about the first case, then both parents had to somehow make time for themselves. As a last resort, involve grandparents to sit with their granddaughter. Because you need to take care not only of your children, but also of your spouses, that is, of each other.
As for the second example, it is, of course, good that a son has become the meaning of life for a woman. But excessive love and care led to the fact that, as a result, both mother and son became lonely.
Therefore, the conclusion is as follows. Girls, love your husband! Children will grow up, they will leave you, and then you will understand that you have nothing to talk about, you will not have something in common, because you lived only for the sake of children. Yes, they will bring you grandchildren for the weekend, and at this time you will get closer, but this will not last forever!
Don't live for the sake of children! Appreciate yourself, girls! Do not forget to delight yourself with new outfits, cosmetics, travel, respect each other's personal space, pay attention to your man and yourself. And further! Give your children a little more freedom, let them walk, stumble, get up, taste life. It will be good for them and for you!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/kak-pravilno-posvyatit-svoju-zhizn-detyam-ili-zhit-radi-sebya.html
