If your family has old parents, grandparents, elderly, possibly infirm, seriously ill, then you should not be ashamed to touch them, hug them, say that you love them. It may seem to you that they do not react at all to such manifestations of feelings, but you are very much mistaken! Old age comes to a person, but feelings, shame, needs - all this does not disappear.
Even an old woman will always remain a woman, and an old man will always be a man! It is from the outside that they seem to you to have outlived their own, sexless creatures who do not understand anything. In fact, they are still ashamed when they say or do something wrong, they just want and expect attention from loved ones, they need hugs and kisses, just like young people! In the hospital, the elderly always try to cover their accidentally exposed genitals with a sheet. Because they are ashamed!
For example, the case of a woman who had one breast removed. She was lying on the couch in the hospital, covering the nipple on the other breast, bare to the waist. And when the doctors removed her hand, she shyly turned her face away. It seems to you that nothing like that, well, an ordinary patient, an old woman, and she is primarily a woman. And her shame does not disappear with age.
Do you think that your old sick relatives do not understand anything at all and do not want attention to themselves? Yes, they may have dementia or Alzheimer's disease, but they still need hugs from loved ones, kisses, kind words. But it's not difficult for you to hug a dear person, and tell him something, have lunch with him, remember something funny, something that he can still remember.
Old people are already becoming sexless for us. They, of course, lose their power, it is difficult for them to think quickly, they cannot, as before in their youth, move lightning fast, perhaps they cannot serve themselves, but you have no idea how much shame they feel when they are behind them are looked after. When children feed them, when grandchildren have to bathe them, when nurses in the hospital need to change their diapers. This shame does not disappear anywhere, and the fact that they cannot do anything across what is happening makes them even more ashamed and more painful.
It seems to you that your mother, who has lost her mind, absolutely does not recognize you and looks at you as if you were an empty place, does not need love at all. And you take her hand and look into her eyes, there is pain. Because feelings do not go anywhere, everyone wants to feel loved and needed, even the elderly. If a person no longer has the opportunity to show his feelings, this does not mean that he does not have them. In old age, there are still needs, desires, even if a person is paralyzed to the state of a vegetable or has lost his mind due to dementia. Opportunities diminish and even gradually disappear, but there is no need! And due to the fact that we do not understand this, our dear old people begin to feel pain in their souls ...
Even the half-dead need love, even the half-dead. It probably sounds strange, but the dead also need love! For example, one boy sat next to his deceased grandfather, and held his hand while waiting for the arrival of an ambulance. And at the funeral, he did not even cry, on the contrary, he was bright and calm, because he managed to express all his love, all with his feelings for his beloved.
I am not afraid of old age, I am afraid of weakness. I am afraid that my children and grandchildren will think that I no longer need their hugs and kisses, I do not want to be a burden to them. I will be ashamed that they change my diapers and spoon-feed me, and in vain they say: "you won't care anymore." No, it will not. Old age takes away health, strength, power, but does not take away shame, feelings and needs ...
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/s-nastupleniem-starosti-styd-potrebnosti-i-chuvstva-ne-ischezajut.html
