Why does the child start to scandalize out of the blue? Objective reasons may be hidden behind hysteria “out of nothing”. Find them and try not to scold, but to understand the baby
Children's tantrums are the main horror story for Toddler parents. They often flare up literally out of nothing. In a minute, the golden child turns into a fire-breathing dragon, which brings fear not only to mom and dad, but also to neighbors or unwitting witnesses to a scandal on the street. The first thought of any adult in such a situation is: "why ?!" After vain attempts to calm the child down, the second comes: “Yes, he mocks! " However, in fact, 99% of children's tantrums have quite intelligible reasons, which will not be possible to get to the bottom of. labor. Perhaps these reasons will not help you quickly stop tears and screams, but they will certainly help you understand that the baby is not making a scandal on purpose.
Reason 1. Overexcitation
Child fatigue is a ticking time bomb / istockphoto.com
We all know: if a baby is "overstayed", fatigue will turn into overwork, and the case will end in hysteria. So, the same exact rule works for children up to at least 8 years old. A large flow of information or new impressions easily overloads the untrained brain of a child. Unable to cope with the emotional stress, the baby will look for a way out in the most accessible way for him - in crying. The more you try to keep your child's day busy with educational activities, swimming, English and other useful things, the more excitable he becomes by the evening. Remember: the baby should have time to receive information and time to process it calmly. Moreover, the processing time should be twice as long.
Reason 2. Vital needs
You go from a walk, and the child whines that he is thirsty. Or worse - you are traveling in transport, and the baby suddenly realizes that he is hungry. God forbid, you will not have an express snack in your purse: you will have to get off at the first stop and run to the nearest kiosk. Different children have different sensitivity to vital needs (food, thirst, sleep). Someone can wait, but someone needs "here and now." Do not compare your child with others, because the discomfort he experiences from hunger is absolutely real. To cope with it and realize that this condition is temporary, he is not yet capable of. The longer the discomfort lasts, the more it seems to the child that this is "forever". And at this moment we freak out: "Well, why can't you be patient!"
Reason 3. Lack of self-control
Babies find it difficult to follow your ban the first time / istockphoto.com
One of the main reasons that parents misinterpret and often believe that the child can do "out of spite". You forbid the child some action (climbing on a fence, singing on a bus, jumping on a sofa or throwing sand on the site), and with an innocent gaze he continues to repeat the forbidden act. The child was pulled up twice, three times, and now a scandal is brewing. “You have to understand everything the first time!” The angry parent yells. So: it shouldn't. And there is a medical explanation for this. The frontal lobes of the brain, which are responsible for self-control and decision-making, are the last to develop in a child. Until 3-4 years old, the baby is still physically unable to resist the desire to do something. At this age, it is better not to explain several times, and then hit the priest, but say once and quickly switch attention.
Reason 4. Powerful emotions
All children show strong emotions very violently / istockphoto.com
Anger, resentment, discontent, disappointment - all these are strong emotions that even adults cannot cope with. We clench our fists and clench our teeth, only to suppress the urge to "tear and throw." The child cannot suppress this desire in himself (remember about the frontal lobes), and yes: he will "tear and throw" as he can. Sometimes it will be tears, and sometimes it will be a real scandal. Do not suppress a tantrum due to strong emotions - this will only show your baby that his feelings are wrong. Better give him time to calm down and talk about how you could express these emotions in a different way.
Reason 5. Copying parents
Children often copy the emotions and behavior of their parents / istockphoto.com
Psychologists say that up to three years old, a child is a mirror of the parents. He absorbs information, but at the same time understands and perceives much more at the level of observation, and then reflects what he is used to observing every day. You can tell him how long you want to do or not. But do not get the result until you show by your own example. If you tend to get nervous, are often on edge, break off on loved ones and are ready to quarrel over the smallest reason - expect the same behavior from your baby.
Reason 6. The framework of what is permitted
Petranovskaya also said that a good mom is a predictable mom. And by the way, this rule also applies to dad. Parents in raising a child set limits and prohibitions, which, ideally, should be unchanged. If you don’t give your child sweets before meals, you don’t need to indulge yourself in a good mood. If you forbid watching cartoons before going to bed, do not do "one-time promotions" because you are tired at work. Absolutely all children love and value stability: situations "as always" give them a sense of calmness and confidence in themselves and in those around them. If you choose to push the boundaries of what is permissible (even with the best of intentions), the child will experience a little stress at first. And after that, he will try to move these frames on his own with manic persistence, and will be very offended at you if you do not allow him to.
Reason 7. Development of self-reliance
During the period of denial, the child refuses favorite things / istockphoto.com
No matter how much you would like to preserve the period of ideal obedience (usually it lasts from 1 to 2 years), there will certainly be a crisis of the third year of life, during which the child starts testing you for strength. He will demand soup instead of his favorite pasta, he will refuse to watch his favorite show, in the midst of autumn he will want to wear shoes on sandals, and all this orgy will end with the victorious "Mom, you're bad!" These are not attempts to bring you to the handle, but only only period of denial. It has a deep meaning: for the first time, the baby tries to make decisions on his own. The child's self-esteem in the future depends on how flexible the parents turn out to be in this process. Of course, you don't need to get sandals in October, but you need to try and give the child a little more freedom in self-expression.
You will also be interested to read:
5 types of baby tantrums that drive even staunch parents crazy
If the child is a "guest performer": how to cope with a child's tantrum?
