How to combine work and motherhood without turning into a squeezed lemon? The answer is known by Svetlana Goncharova, author of the resource "Flymama" and the book "7 Commandments of an Organized Mom"
Who is Flaymama
In 1999, American Marla Scilly developed rules that were supposed to help run a household with the minimum amount of energy consumption and with the maximum efficiency. This system was dubbed "FlyLady". She inspired Svetlana Goncharova to create her own, adapted for mothers. This is how the FlyMama system was born.
Flyama signs
1. Takes care of himself regularly.
2. The first shows love for loved ones and always makes a choice in favor of a relationship. If the question is whether to wash the floor or be with her husband, she will be with her husband.
3. Doesn't strive to do everything. She tries to keep up with the main things in the day, so she determines her priorities for each day.
4. Lives in an organized way, following his plans.
5. Intertwines his life with the life of his family, finds common interests in order to be closer to each other.
6. She asks for help and accepts it with gratitude.
7. Strives to be the kind of change she wants to see in her family.
8. He starts with himself, changes himself, becomes a source of happiness, joy. As the antenna transmits the signal, so the fly mama transmits love to her loved ones.
Working at Home Mom's Day - performance with intermissions
Even at the courses on preparation for childbirth, the psychologist said to us, future mothers:
“Girls, so that you can give something to your children, you have to fill up. Seize every opportunity to relax, do not turn into a squeezed lemon. "
I, along with everyone, nodded my head in agreement. But when the first daughter was born, and then the second, she made the mistake that most mothers make - she dissolved in caring for the child, forgetting about herself. The result is a loss of strength and bouts of depression. Fortunately, I came to my senses and began to take time for myself. Now, for example, I have made a rule once a week to arrange a fasting evening for myself: I meet with friends, go to the theater, etc. Near on the sofa on which I put my youngest daughter to sleep, there is always a book: it helps me not to get bored when the child, falling asleep, "hangs" for a long time breasts. In general, I catch every opportunity to do something for myself. By the way, there is a joke about this:
“Poor Jewish family with many children. Tired mom. One fine day she breaks down and goes to the synagogue to the rabbi: “Rebbe, I can’t live like this any longer. What should I do?". He advised her. From the moment the woman was changed. Everything in the family remained the same, only she became calm and smiling. And once a week she began to lock herself in the kitchen for a couple of hours. The children decided to spy on what she was doing there. And what their bewilderment was when they saw that mother alone, without them, was eating sweet tsimes. "Mom, how can you ?!" - they were indignant. "Sha, children, I make you a happy mom!".
This state of a “happy mother” inspires some accomplishments, plans, I want to do something and move somewhere.
Expert commentary.
“Most of our women do not know how to replenish their strength. And this is a big mistake. After all, if you are empty and exhausted, then what can you give to your children, your husband? It is important that the care is not monotonous. Something needs to be done not only for the soul, but also for the body, mind and heart. These are the resources that everyone needs for a normal life.
Try to replenish the source of strength, take time for yourself after each block of household chores. Figuratively speaking, Mother's Day can be thought of as a three-act performance with intermissions. For example, give yourself 15 minutes after the morning work front (the child can watch cartoons). In the afternoon you will have intermission during his nap. And in the evening - be sure to have at least 30 minutes for yourself (dad can take care of the baby). It is also very important to prepare in advance for how you will rest. Then a 15-minute pause will bring pleasure. After all, it often happens like this: we want to watch a movie - and spend half an hour of precious time, while the baby sleeps, searching the Internet. "
Teach your child to take care of themselves / istockphoto.com
Work and leisure - together with the child
Another common practice among moms is to postpone everything while the baby is sleeping. The result - work in two shifts plus night shifts, as they often joke about the decree. I confess that for a long time I also stepped on this rake. Then I decided for myself - that's enough: my daughter is resting - I am also resting. And I must say, after that, my apartment did not become less clean and the family still has breakfasts, lunches, dinners. I just try to do the main work when the baby is awake.
Expert comment:
“Household chores and childcare can and should be combined, especially when the children are small. Of course, the work will progress more slowly and will not be performed as well as if the woman was alone. So here you have to get rid of perfectionism. But the main thing is that the mother is engaged in business while the child is awake. Now there are many tools that can help her with this. For example, slings (the child is near the mother, her hands are free), hip-sit (allows you to quickly attach the baby to the hip). If he is very active, you can put him in the playpen, which will stand next to you in the kitchen. There will be no trouble if he plays there for 15 minutes with toys. But mom will have time to do a piece of work. And there is also such a thing as rescue kits. Place your child's toys in, for example, 5 boxes. And when you need to do something urgent around the house and you want to be out of the way, take out one of these boxes. Toys that the child has not seen for a long time become new to him, and he will be happy to play with them for some time. And in general, a mother, especially very young children, should be like a magician - always take something interesting out of her sleeve. "
Encourage your child to do housework / istockphoto.com
2 effective timing management techniques
We eat the elephant bit by bit
This is one of the golden rules of time management. Working in an office when there were no children yet, I often used it when I was faced with some big task. I use it now, when I combine work and motherhood. How does it work? Let's say you know that you are going to have a big feast this month. If all preparation is postponed until the last day before the holiday, then it turns into hard labor. But you can start preparing a little in advance. For example, wind cabbage rolls in advance and put them in the freezer. A couple of days before the X hour - grind the dishes, etc. In the end, the job will be done, but without mega-efforts on your part.
The power of one minute
“If I’m on maternity leave, I’ll start learning English, I’ll go to cooking courses…” - many people make big plans for their maternity leave during pregnancy. But often they are covered with a copper basin. Six months, a year pass, and the woman has already forgotten that she dreamed about some courses. "I can't do anything with a child!" - she finds an argument. In fact, as you know, when a person does not want, he looks for reasons, and when he wants, opportunities. The Japanese method of "kaizen" is just one of such opportunities for mothers to learn something new without interrupting home "production". Its essence is simple - to devote exactly one minute every day to one business. For example, I write new words, English words on a sticker and hang it on the refrigerator. I cook soup - I looked up from cooking for a minute, learned the words. It's the same with sports. During the day, I can swing my abs, squat, or just stretch or dance.
Expert comment:
«Both the first and second methods teach you to take small steps, which are the basis of any success. After all, a small task can be done really. And you take a step and move forward. If the "elephant" is not divided into pieces, then often people are afraid of the scale of the task. Many people think: "There is so much to do that I'd rather go to bed."
To avoid such self-sabotage, describe your goal, make it tangible. For example, you want to open an internet project. Write on what topic it will be, what I will do, what I should learn in order to promote it, etc. Then break that goal down into helper goals to help you take small steps. And do them every day. "
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