We are planning a second child. How to find the optimal age difference between children. The nuances of raising the weather, the difference is three years, in 5-7 and more than 10 years.
Two children in a family are not uncommon today. According to statistics, more than half of Ukrainian families “follow the second” after the birth of their first child. Some people do it spontaneously, but the lion's share of parents consciously plan to have a second child. And here the question arises before every mother: how to calculate the ideal age difference between babies. On the one hand, it is great when children have common interests, make friends and spend a lot of time together. On the other hand, an older child already wants some kind of substantial help in caring for a brother or sister. In fact, there is no universal answer to this question. Each age difference has its own pros and cons. The mother only needs to decide in which case there will be more benefits for her and for both babies.
Age difference up to 2 years
The weather is always fun and interesting to spend time together / istockphoto.com
The weather in the family is very often confused with twins: they are always and in all games together, they are very friendly and are often at almost the same level of development. It happens (if the age difference is a year with a little tail) that parents send them to the same class. Such kids very close to each other at an early age, and maintain a strong bond into adulthood. These are brothers and sisters who will come to the rescue on the first call and understand each other perfectly.
Pros:
With two children, the mother "fits" into one decree. The journey will be a little longer than usual, but it will not cause the long torments of thought that women who have only recently come to work after their first child face. Often mothers postpone the birth of their second baby precisely because of the decree: having started to work, it is very difficult to decide on a three-year break again. In the case of the weather, everything is simple and familiar: the hands have not yet forgotten how to change diapers, and the brain perfectly remembers everything read and learned with the first child.
In addition, the mother will be able to significantly save on children's things: as a rule, they always buy more than needed for the first child. Clothes, toys, hygiene products and other household items such as a diaper and a breast pump will be perfectly inherited by the second baby. And the children themselves will be comfortable with each other - they can become real playmates and joint pranks.
Minuses:
Too short a time between two pregnancies can undermine the mother's health. The body has not yet recovered after carrying the first baby and is in the mode of maximum return of resources for feeding him, and here you have to take care of a new pregnancy. After childbirth, an overlap can also occur: when one child begins to have colic, the second may cut his chewing teeth. Do not forget about the psychological moments: nobody canceled exhaustion due to lack of sleep and nervous tension.
It is difficult to gather the weather on the street, to choose transport suitable for joint walks, to provide for everything that one and the second child may need. Such children also get sick "in chorus", because immunity is at the stage of formation in both the first and the second child.
Psychologists note another important nuance: in a family with the same age, an older child may lag slightly behind in development from his peers. The fact is that in raising children, a mother will always subconsciously focus on the younger one - the one who is weaker. Because of this, an elder can learn to read and count later than his peers.
Also, it can be difficult for a mother to cover two babies with her attention: the first one cannot yet occupy itself, and will demand from the mother the same dedication as a newborn. Because of this, a woman may feel guilty and develop a "bad mother" complex.
Age difference 2-4 years
The 3-4 year difference keeps the children close / istockphoto.com
Most psychologists consider this age difference to be optimal. Children are still interested in together, they can play together and find common points of contact. At the same time, the older child already knows a lot and does a lot by himself: he dresses himself, eats, cleans up his toys and even helps his mother around the house. The relationship between such brothers and sisters is quite strong. The older child is often responsible and willing to defend the younger. Even in adulthood, children remain fairly close to each other, and more often seek help and support from each other than from their parents.
Pros:
The autonomy of the older child makes life much easier for the mother. He can occupy himself at times when mom needs to feed, calm down or put the younger one to bed. Also, he can already be involved in simple help - to bring some thing, help mom get the family for a walk, and even look after his brother or sister a little while mom is busy with the housework.
The older child acts as an example for the younger in everything: he copies his behavior and very easily learns all everyday skills. Eat on your own go to the potty and younger children begin to pull on their pants without any problems and much earlier than their peers.
From the point of view of mom's health, such a difference in age between children is also optimal: doctors argue that after two to three years of a break, the woman's body is already completely ready for the next pregnancy.
Minuses:
The main disadvantage in this idyll is older child jealousy. It is psychologically very difficult for a kid who was the main and only one in the family for three years to accept the appearance of a “rival”. The need to share mom and the manifestation of her love with someone else often provokes resistance to the point of hysteria. Here it is very important for parents to choose the correct strategy of behavior and "dose" attention to both children without bias towards the younger one.
In conflicts between children, in no case should one constantly defend the younger one and scold the youngster simply because he is “older”. Do not impose excessive responsibility on him: for example, he should not constantly put away all toys. Remember that “senior” does not mean “adult” yet. If you demand a lot from the first baby in favor of the second, jealousy and resentment can gain a foothold, and the relationship between children will be spoiled.
Age difference 5-7 years
With a difference of 5-7 years, the elder is already following the younger / istockphoto.com
This is the age when the first child can fully feel like an older brother or sister. On a psychological level, it is easier to prepare him for the appearance of a baby in the house than a three-year-old. In addition, he is already attending school. This means that he has new worries and responsibilities, friends and hobbies, which, with the right approach of his parents, will allow him not to feel a lack of mother's attention. With such a gap in age, we are no longer talking about joint games. The younger, as a rule, looks at the older with adoration, and he often feels himself in the role of a mentor. As children get older, the age difference may blur a little, but the firstborn will still feel age superior.
Pros:
The independence of the first-born in the literal sense of the word unties the mother's hands. It is with such a difference in the years in children that women often get high from the second pregnancy and the infancy of the last child. The older child spends most of the day at school, so the mother can safely clean, cook and even sleep with the baby.
The decree is also very convenient for the first-born: the mother can pick him up after school, less often leave him for an extended period, walk more in the parks and do his homework with him. From the point of view of study, the difference between children of 5-7 years old is quite beneficial. You can take turns paying for the institute and helping your students with the content.
Minuses:
Adaptation to school for the first child against the background of the appearance of a brother or sister can be painful. This is a difficult stage in the growing up of a toddler. And if the mother at this time does not give him enough attention and support, the first child may have problems with his studies. It is also very tempting to make a "free nanny" out of the child. Mom considers him to be old enough and asks to look after the baby, while he wants to do his own business in his free time. If you often use a child for such purposes, he will begin to consider the younger an annoying obstacle in life.
We must not forget that the first child still needs tenderness and warmth. Not all children aged 7-9 like the role of a “little adult”. If the whole focus of your love is on the baby, the elder may be hidden, but very offended.
The difference in the age of 8-10 years and more
There are many unpredictable moments in the difference of more than 10 years / istockphoto.com
The large age difference between children is a difficult test for a family. Depending on the nature of the older child and the relationship between him and his parents, the arrival of a younger child can be a joyful event or a catalyst for problems. At this time, the first child, as a rule, begins a transitional age. Any changes that infringe on his freedom can cause real protest. It is very important here not to miss the moments when the firstborn really needs you. Otherwise, for the sake of the younger one, you can lose the trust and openness of the older child.
Pros:
If you properly prepare an older child, at first the family will get pleasure from the birth of the baby. Most often, the first-born willingly takes on the role of an assistant, fiddles with a brother or sister, and helps his mother. At this time, the mother subconsciously "raises" the older child to the status of an adult and begins to communicate with him on an equal footing. Many children are very impressed by this.
Gradually, the teenager's interest in the baby subsides, and the mother should take it calmly. You shouldn't turn it in third parent for the youngest child. A large age difference excludes quarrels and rivalry for toys. The kid listens to his older brother or sister in everything and calmly accepts his superiority.
Minuses:
The transitional age of the older child is fraught with a lot of pitfalls. It is impossible to predict how a teenager will react to a baby. Against the background of increased attention of parents to the second child, he may fall into melancholy and depression, maybe become irritable and aggressive, and can pull on a mask of cold indifference and close off families. Often in such cases, parents cannot cope on their own, and the help of a psychologist may be required.
You will also be interested in reading:
How to decide to have a second child
Weather children: the pros and cons of a small age difference
Elder and Younger: How the order of birth affects the future of the child
