How to become happier: TOP-3 effective techniques from a psychologist

 Sometimes the heart is so heavy, and such disturbing thoughts appear in my head that there is no strength even to tell someone close about them. However, keeping such a load in your soul is also difficult. Of course, in order to understand the painful one, one can and should go to a psychotherapist, but for many, this recommendation causes negative emotions or shame. What to do and how to help yourself? Three psychological techniques, described by psychologist Irina Nikitina, will help you.

Technique 1. "This is the happiest day"

This technique is a magic wand to help you create mood, to be filled with energy, to realize how important all your steps are in life, as well as how diverse the familiar world can be. This method helps those who are experiencing burnout in their professional or personal life. In the morning, over a cup of coffee / tea in a special notebook, write down your tasks of the day: take a pen, close your eyes for a minute, think, and then write the five common goals that come to mind first (for example, negotiate, work without conflict, do a good deed, etc.) etc.). And after them there are five “strange” ones: for example, smiling at two strangers on the street, looking them straight in the eyes, walking a hundred steps, counting them in reverse order, smelling five different flowers. During the day, carry out the plan, and in the evening describe (you can briefly, if there is no time) all the situations. As a result, you will have a whole story. And if you still have time to take a photo in each of the places where the plan is fulfilled, then it will also be illustrated. After a week of this quest, you will see how varied ordinary life can be. And believe me, with time you will want to fly! If you feel that you are overexcited due to a surge in energy, be sure to include sports in the list,

meditations and "to be sad with a glass of wine." This variety will make life even more complete.

Technique 2. "Search for meanings"

The technique of searching for the meanings of the past will help those who often ask themselves the question: "Why do I need this?" or "Why live like this?" Divide a piece of paper in half and write down the five most painful ones in the left column. memories the distant past (preferably from childhood), describing the situation in two or three sentences. Then, in the second column opposite each situation, write at least three important meanings of what happened. Now, on a separate sheet of paper, write down all the meanings, assigning them to yourself as character traits. For example, if the first column says: “When I was little, our family lived in poverty, and I had no toys, except for one old doll. I remember how I suffered because I had to play in the yard only with her. " The second column may read: “There was only one doll, but I told everyone that I always play with her, because she is the most beloved and the most beautiful. In support of this, I painted a new face for her every day with pencils and paints. It was my doll that had the best makeup in the yard. " From this, on a separate piece of paper, the devil may appear: "I have good taste and a wild imagination." Now think about what exactly that unpleasant situation has endowed you with such character, knowledge, skills and abilities that help you to live and, possibly, become a profession or a hobby. This technique helps us to accept that everything that happens to us matters, even if it seems at first glance to be meaningless.

Technique 3. "Call yourself"

A good way to understand the cause and essence of a particular conflict is to use the call yourself method. Take a piece of paper and briefly, literally in two sentences, describe the conflict itself. For example: “I constantly quarrel with my husband. In my opinion, he deliberately does everything to make me angry. " Now describe the last quarrel or conflict situation (also in two or three sentences). For example: “The toilet in the house has broken. For two days now I have been asking my husband to do this or call a plumber. He did not react in any way, but today he yelled at me and said that I must do it myself. "

The next step is to write all the hard-hitting epithets that at that moment you wanted (or managed) to say to your counterpart. Do not hesitate, write everything, everything to the last swear word. And now the hardest part of the exercise: you need to read each of the epithets, substituting the pronoun "I" in front of each. This way you will find out who you really think you are. Yes, this is difficult to accept, but we do not scold others with words that somehow do not refer to ourselves. Most likely, there will be one or two curses that will be extremely difficult for you to pronounce in your address. They will be the essence of your conflict. You consider yourself unworthy in something, constantly call yourself names and, accordingly, cannot forgive or accept some [1] part of yourself. And in fact, the goal of the conflict is to see this side, and you, of course, unconsciously "run into" exactly the problem that is most unpleasant to you. And since it is unpleasant to the point of intolerance, it means that it has very deep roots and it is very important in your life. However, outside of the conflict, you avoid her, so she is not sick [1]. Therefore, ask yourself why you are scolding yourself with these words. After realizing, try to forgive yourself for what happened then, and accept the fact that at that moment it was necessary for something. You may also need to acknowledge that you have a trait. characterthat you didn’t know about or were very ashamed of. And you may find that you will see yourself from a completely different side.

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