In Russia, the situation with domestic violence is very ambiguous.
On the one hand, there are many hysterical women who slander their husbands with and without reason. On the other hand, there are many quiet, seemingly ideal families, behind whose doors real horrors take place.
I want to tell the story of a good friend of mine with whom we have been friends for many years.
I'll start the story from the beginning of our acquaintance. We then moved to a new apartment and became neighbors. Since our children were of the same age, we got to know each other, began to communicate and visit each other.
I must say right away that the family looked really perfect! Two children 2 and 3 years old. The wife stayed at home with the children, the husband held a high position and earned good money, they did not need anything. True, he was rarely at home, but sometimes we gathered with the whole family to visit them.
The first alarm bell was one of these meetings.
We sat at the table, drank wine, had a snack. Children ran alongside. Suddenly, my friend's youngest child began to cry, she calmly took him in her arms and we continued to chat. At that moment, her husband asked to bring more wine from the kitchen, to which she said - come on later. The husband changed his face and said: Now! Fast!
Our children shuddered at this tone. Somehow we are not used to such rudeness. And their children behaved as if nothing had happened. A friend, with a child in her arms, went to the kitchen. With a smile, no complaints and unnecessary words.
We would not have remembered this day if it didn’t get worse.
We didn’t often succeed in getting out into people in a cycle of worries. But, on the occasion of the birthday of one of the children, we nevertheless gathered at the zoo.
The husbands were with us. The friend's face was covered with a thick layer of foundation and powder, there were bruises under the eyes, she attributed it to a cold.
Walking around the zoo, children constantly scattered. And so, one of the children of a friend, greatly accelerated and fell with a running start. Screeching, tears, crying. She ran limp to the child.
She limped, in her words, as one of the children accidentally dropped a heavy chair on her leg.
So, the child hit, he was crying, and we noticed how the eyes of the friend's husband were bloodshot, he jumped up to the friend holding the child, strongly grabbed her hand and began to shake. We were close and heard him say:
Little did I get you yesterday? You want more? Watch out for the children! That's all you need to do!
The child, surprisingly, quickly calmed down. And the friend, with a blissful smile, pretended that everything was fine.
After this incident, I decided to talk to her, and what she told me threw me into a state of shock.
She herself came to Moscow from Nizhnevartovsk, graduated from the Institute and successfully married, immediately after graduation. It was not possible to work, the children were born one after the other.
When she was pregnant with her first child, her husband started beating her. The first time she didn’t have time to cook dinner. The second one hit him with his stomach and he spilled coffee on himself. Third, he thought she was flirting with a neighbor. And after that she no longer remembered the reasons. Only beatings.
He beat gently, but regularly, trying not to bruise. But the pain was unbearable. Apparently, he knew where and how to hit.
Marital debt turned into torture, but she was intimidated and afraid to refuse. So she became pregnant with the second and her life turned into a nightmare.
There was nowhere to go. No work experience, two kids in my arms. Who needs it?
As a result, after another severe beating, which ended with a concussion and loss of consciousness, she was frightened. First I went to the doctor, and then to the district police officer, to write an application for my spouse.
There were no obvious and severe injuries, but it was enough to apply for a spouse. The district police officer, to be honest, didn't really want to get into all this. It is not customary for us to poke around in someone else's underwear. Until it gets really bad.
I don’t know how, but my friend’s husband managed to get out, the case was hushed up. And they continued to live as if nothing had happened. True, we have not been invited anywhere. And they had no other friends.
We continue to communicate, but we meet in secret. I still often see bruises smeared on my face. Even in summer, she always wears long sleeves and never wears skirts.
Why doesn't she leave? Why does it endure?
I think for the same reasons as most women.
She's bound by fear!
If she leaves, then there is a possibility that he will kill her or do something with the children. With his connections and capabilities, it is likely that this case will be hushed up. Or, she will be left without children and put in a psychiatric hospital, for example.
There are many options. But not with her.
And I don’t know if I should blame her for that? And him too. Impunity corrupts, and its obedience only aggravates. Vicious circle. And most of all, children suffer because of two immature people.
