Top 30 ways to strengthen your bond with your child: tips for all ages

Psychologists have shown that emotional connection with parents is more important for a child than adequate sleep and balanced nutrition. No matter how diligently the child is “well fed, washed and dressed”, the lack of contact with the beloved adult has a destructive effect on him. Children who grow up without attention grow up timid and insecure. Therefore, it is so important from birth to the "first mustache" to maintain a strong bond with your children. Here are some simple yet powerful ways to strengthen the bond between a child and an adult.

You always need to start from the beginning. But even if you have "strayed" somewhere and feel that the contact between you and your child has begun to weaken, it is never too late to "get involved" in the relationship. The main thing is to take into account age features the child and select the keys that are suitable for each stage of development.

0 to 1

At this stage, the child's attachment is formed through the senses (hearing, sight, taste, smell and touch). His main activity is emotional communication with a significant adult. It is important to satisfy the need for communication in all five areas: talking with the baby, showing him something,

feed him, hug him and in every possible way squeeze, hug and stroke.

• visual factor: play peepers, study each other in the mirror, look at pictures (books, street) together, draw so that the baby looks
• auditory factor: repeat babbling after the baby, use different intonations, sing songs, read poetry with expression
• taste factor: allow to eat from your plate, feed mom or dad, finish eating from your child's plate
• the factor of smell: smelling flowers together (food, air outside and in the forest), noisily and with pleasure inhale the smell of the baby
• touch factor: endlessly hugging, massage, kissing cheeks and navel, sleeping or just lying together, swimming in a big bath together, stroking his face and stroking his face with the hands of a child

1 to 3

At this age, the child is very fond of imitating adults. His affection is closely related to the similarity to his parents, through which he feels like a part of the family. The leading activity of the baby is subject-manipulation. Cultivate attachment through common activities and joint activities.

• get together to the store (make a list of products with pictures, roll in a cart in the store or entrust to roll a cart, transfer products at the checkout, entrust to carry a bag with purchases)
• let the child try on or wear his own clothes, buy or sew a Family Look (the same clothes for children and adults), wear similar accessories (hairpins, backpacks, scarves). For girls - wash with mom with the same soap, smear with some creams. For boys - to do household chores with dad (repair, assembly).
• come up with a common cause (for example, arrange a small vegetable garden on the windowsill and grow edible herbs or flowers from seeds)
• to invent conventional signs “only between us”. Come up with "our big, big secret." Do something “inappropriate” together, such as hide in the bathroom and eat candy before dinner.
• play in the mirror: repeat what your child is doing. Try to copy not only the actions, but also the feelings and emotions of the child. Try to see the world through his eyes.

3 to 5

At this age, the baby already clearly separates himself and his mother. He has an unconscious desire to be meaningful to his parents. He in every possible way seeks confirmation of his own importance in the family, begins to get jealous, but at the same time learns to love. Leading activity - role-playing gamesthat combine communication and subject-manipulation classes.

• put together a "halabuda" - a house made of chairs, pillows, bedspreads and other materials at hand. Hide there with the child from the other parent. In the evenings, play “hide and seek under the covers” and “I won't let go” (hug the child so that he gets out of the embrace).
• take the child to work. If this is not possible, take with you to some important "adult" business.
• let the baby spoon feed the mom. Mom can be combed, painted, washed, smeared with cream, brushed her teeth, pick up clothes for her at home or for the street
• share some kind of activity or hobby with the child (do gymnastics together, paint pictures by numbers, sculpt from clay, ride bicycles)
• Set up at least a few times a week Floortime (literally "playing on the floor") - half an hour of the time when mom or dad turns off the phone and TV, and completely belongs to the child

5 to 7

Formation of close emotional contact comes to the last stage. The child begins to share his thoughts and secrets in order to be even closer to his parents. At this level of attachment, the experience of trusting loved ones is laid, which will then become a support in adulthood. The leading activity is emotional and cognitive. The child learns to understand and accept his own emotions and the feelings of others.

• consider family photos with the child, show little mom and dad. Look for mom and dad in shared photos from kindergarten and school. Show photos where the child himself is still small. Tell about how they waited for him, how he was, how he grew up and matured
• prepare joint gifts and surprises for another parent or relatives. Together, choose and decide which gift is best for you.
• entrust the child with some "important business" around the house and try not to control its implementation. Do not criticize if something is done poorly.
• share your emotions with your child, talk about events that happened during the day and the feelings that these events caused. Ask for advice. Asking how he would behave in a given situation.
• if they broke down, ask the child for forgiveness. Explain why you lost it by naming and explaining negative emotions. It is imperative to speak out the conflict after all participants have calmed down.

7 to 11

The attachment is already formed, but not yet strong enough. At this time, the child opens up the possibility of other connections - friendship, sympathy, common interests with friends. The child begins to make up for the lack of emotional contact with the parents "on the side". Most often it is attachment to a teacher or to friends. At this age, the leading activity is operational and technical (related to study). So doing homework together can be a great emotional bridge between you and your child.

• hug the child as often as he allows. According to the recommendations of psychologists, at least 8 hugs per day
• lying with your child on the couch or in bed. Tickling heels, squeezing, ruffling hair and kissing on the nose - any tactile contact that does not make the child want to get up and go to his room. Lie down with your child before bed, if he asks for it.
• share the child's occupation or hobby. Even if it will be a completely indigestible computer game or a collection of creepy acid-colored monsters.
• to approve of the child's friends. If you don't approve of someone, explain in as much detail as possible why you don't like them. After explaining, ask your child if he or she accepts your opinion.
• let your child cook something for dinner. Do not help and do not climb with tips until he asks for it himself.

11 to 17

The most difficult period is testing attachment for strength. The child's craving for communication with peers prevails. In relation to adults, denial and the desire to imitate struggle in the child's soul. At this time, emotional ties with friends come to the fore, therefore, the leading activity is intimate-personal contacts. The main thing here is to let go in time, but keep the situation under invisible control.

• listen to the child when he speaks, and not when you have time for it. Use active listening
• in public, always take the side of the child. Even if he is wrong, it is discussed at home. For outsiders, you are protection, support and a stone wall.
• turn to the child for help in those things in which he is well versed (mathematics, computers, information search, modern fashion trends)
• ask for advice if you are making a decision that concerns the whole family (what to cook for dinner, what wallpaper to glue in the corridor, where to go to rest in the summer). If the advice categorically does not suit you, ask to substantiate your position.
• to see off and meet the child every time he leaves somewhere - with a kiss, a hug or just a wish for a good walk or a good day

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