Hotline and support circle: to help young parents

Many couples planning their first child look at parenting through rose-colored glasses. Moms imagine how they walk with stroller along the embankment in a beautiful dress. Dads - that they are met by a beautiful wife with a smiling toddler in her arms in a perfectly clean apartment. These are the images imposed by social networks. But they are very far from reality. Of course, in parenthood a lot of happiness and smiles. But there is a lot of work in it, and sleepless nights, and tears. How to pass this strength test with dignity? What to do when parenting is difficult? We talked about this with Tamara Zeynalli, child and family psychologist, doula, founder and host of the Happy Parents course.

A Global Challenge: Challenges Facing Young Parents Around the World

The difficulties are familiar to parents from different countries, and quite prosperous ones. This research shows

Parenthood Index (The Parenting Index) by Nestlé. The work was done enormous. We interviewed 8000 mothers and fathers with children under one year old in 16 (!) Countries of the world. Families surveyed identified eight main factors that prevent them from enjoying parenting.

The first is pressure. Young parents constantly feel socially condemned. And, interestingly, its biggest source is social networks, which impose standards: what a family should be like. They are also under pressure from unwanted advice. “Your child is already two. Why does he still wear diapers? "," Don't let your baby jump in puddles - catch a cold! " - you must admit that very few moms and dads have not heard such recommendations addressed to them.

The feeling of guilt adds fuel to the fire: "I am a bad mother, since my child is constantly crying / did not go to one year old / does not know how to eat on his own, etc." And also the discrepancy between the actual parenting experience and expectations. After all, pictures in social networks paint us an oil painting: sweet little ones who are constantly smiling or sleeping. But in fact, they can sob for hours and hang on their mother. Alas, all these doubts and torments are often not shared with anyone. Parents in different countries say they feel lonely with a baby in their arms. Even when friends and a family are at a distance of SMS messages.

Among other factors that affect parenting, moms and dads noted:

• family financial stability;
• the ability to combine parenting with work;
• the stereotype that children are “comfortable” and “problematic”, and in the first case it is much easier to be parents;
• health and family well-being;
• support of the environment;
• joint education;
• self confidence.

Where to be a parent is good

After analyzing all these factors, the researchers determined the "ease of parenting" index. As it turned out, in no country in the world is it very easy. Even parents from Sweden, Chile and Germany, in the countries that took the leading positions in the ranking, faced difficulties. The first places are connected with the fact that in these countries (Sweden and Germany), as well as in Israel, parents feel the least pressure on themselves. The most pressured moms and dads are in the Philippines, Saudi Arabia and Brazil. Interestingly, in the United States, Spain and China, thanks to the coronavirus pandemic, society has begun to press less on parents. During this time, they felt more support and mutual assistance.

“In my opinion, it is very good to be a parent in the Netherlands. Because the state helps them. For example, there volunteers come to families with a baby. They can walk with him, clean the apartment, cook. This gives mom the opportunity to relax, gain strength ",

- says Tamara Zeynalli.

How are young parents doing in Ukraine?

In Ukraine, alas, there is no such help, and our parents have to solve all the difficulties on their own. And according to Tamara Zeynalla's observations, there have been much more of them over the past 5 years.

“The war in the East is influencing. Fathers die in ATO, women give birth without husbands. What condition will they be in? At the state level, no one provides them with household help, ”

- says the psychologist.

And, of course, he made a big contribution coronavirus. Due to the pandemic, many families are in a shaky financial position, which does not add to the joy of parenting. “In addition, for example, pregnant women diagnosed with covid-19 from Vyshgorod are being taken to Belaya Tserkov. After such a quest, the emotional state is not the best. And in covid departments at maternity hospitals, women in childbirth are not allowed partner births, babies are not laid on their breasts, there are even cases when babies were taken from their mothers. Such an experience then, of course, negatively affects the postpartum emotional state of a woman, ”says the psychologist.

True, the situation with the coronavirus, according to the expert, has one positive point. Many organizations have allowed employees to work remotely. Therefore, there are more opportunities to combine motherhood with work. And dad has more time at home, which is very important especially in the first months after giving birth.

Helping young parents

The best prevention of postpartum stress is preparation for childbirth and parenting, Tamara Zeynalli is sure. Thanks to her, there are no illusions, there is clarity of what awaits you after the birth of a child and how to act in different cases. And this already reduces the level of anxiety.

Tamara Zeynalli told what needs to be done to make parenting a joy.

1. Organize a circle of support

Let it include people who you can contact at any time of the day or night. Who can come to you and help you not only in word, but also in deed. Sit with your baby when you shower. Cook borscht while mom is resting. It is important not to be alone with your problems. Feel free to ask for help.

2. Don't waste money on unnecessary baby things.

Spend them on helpers. Not everyone succeeds in organizing such a circle of support. Realistically assess your chances, and if you realize that your cat has cried out for helpers, hire them. For example, a woman may come a couple of times a week to help clean up and prepare meals for a few days. Someone will say: where to get the money for this? In fact, many young parents spend a lot of money on unnecessary things. For example, they buy a crib, and the child ends up sleeping with his mother. Or an expensive stroller, not realizing that the child needs it for only six months. Likewise, a lot of things are bought for a newborn, from which he grows up within a month. With the right approach, you can save a significant amount and use this money to help your mother.

3. Filter information flow from social networks

Now the instagram picture dictates that if you have not bought your baby a blanket for UAH 2,000 or Sophie's giraffe for UAH 1,000, you, as a parent, are nothing. When women see Instamama, who has four children, a toned body and who travels with them alone without nannies, they feel completely worthless. But you need to understand that this is just a beautiful picture, a production. In life, everything is different.

4. Don't overstate the bar

When a child appears, you want to do everything for him to the maximum. And when this does not work out, then experiences begin. But only happy parents have happy children. Hence the fifth tip.

5. Make yourself happy

It is important for a woman to create, it gives us radiance, fullness. Knit, cross-stitch, paint, bake muffins - do anything that gives her a sense of joy. Therefore, we must find time for such small joys. Write resource to-do lists that fill you up. If you like museums, go there with your baby. Love nature - go to parks, etc.

Hotline for parents after childbirth

A free hotline will appear in Ukraine in June this year for those who have just become a parent. Each family can call to get answers to questions in the following areas:

• postpartum recovery of a woman;
• psychology;
• endocrinology;
• gynecology;
• pediatrics;
• breast-feeding;
• baby sleep;
• legal issues.

In the meantime, there is a free hotline for parents of premature babies "Early Bird". You can call around the clock, by phone 0800507029.

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