Many parents are very amazed that their grown children are ungrateful. I will say briefly that in order to be respected, you must respect yourself. Yes, the respect of children must be earned! Only not all parents know about this, therefore they bite their elbows in old age. But, if you gave all the best to the children, why now they do not put you in anything? Where does this disrespect come from?
When parents have babies, they are sure they know better than they do. And this happens until the very moment when children grow up, grow wiser, and parents have to put up with it.
Parents continue to believe that they know everything much better than their children, and allow themselves to make decisions for them. And the opinion of the offspring is not considered at all. They are adults, and children, even if they are old enough, have learned a lot, they are stupid, and what they can decide there at all. Parents have experience behind them, but they only have everything ahead. Therefore, it is possible and necessary to decide everything for them. Do you think so too? And what kind of respect are you talking about then?
For children to respect you, you must respect them too!
Children need to understand how respect works. Without your example, they will not understand what it is. If they have never felt this way from you before, can they give you what you want?
You need to respect a child even when he still seems to you to be a stupid teenager who does not understand anything in life. If your teenager is only 13 years old, and you do not think that you should respect him, listen to him, reckon with his opinion, then you have a direct road to a psychologist. Understand that at this stage you can still cope with the problem that has arisen, otherwise you will greatly ruin the relationship with the child. And this will not be his fault!
The child is also a person
Children are not plasticine. You won't be able to mold them into what you want. You can't force your daughter to go to ballroom dancing if she likes to play football, you can't force your son to swim if he likes to sing. It is imperative to take into account the opinion of the child, and he deserves it even at the age of seven. You do not need to impose your opinion and your decision on him.
Hyper-care is dangerous
Overprotective is no better than child abuse! Because you grow up a weak-willed and unable to do anything vegetable, absolutely unadapted to adult life. First, you will be everywhere next to the child, you will decide and do everything for him, and then you will start to wonder why the grown-up child does not get a job, cries because of problems, instead of solving them, completely lack of initiative and weak.
Children need their own space. Yes, and maybe even complete freedom! Otherwise, you may not even expect any gratitude when you get old.
Parents themselves destroy children's trust
Often parents don't even notice this. Well, why, you didn't do anything like that, did you? They scold their children for everything in a row, and then they begin to take offense, why they do not share anything with them, do not trust them. And they are simply afraid that you will start scolding them again. So you will not know about any experiences of your offspring, not about feelings, about anything.
Then you will be able to persuade the child to open up to you, and you suddenly realize how vulnerable he is. And what will you do? You will start reading moral teachings again, you will condemn, punish or even laugh. This is even worse. After that, there will definitely not be such trust!
Taking care is not just about feeding and dressing
In fact, this is not the only concern. Spiritual closeness, heart-to-heart conversations are important. This takes time. Sometimes you should forget about your affairs, and just ask your daughter how she is with her classmates or her son, how that story with his friends ended up there.
The child did not ask you to give him life, it was you who decided whether to appear or not. So forget about the phrase: "I gave birth to you, and you ..." If you say that, it means that you do not understand anything at all about upbringing.
It does not depend on children whether they will be born or not, but they are the ones who choose whether to take care of their old parents later or not. If a mother gives birth to children in order to bring her a glass of water in old age, then this is hypocrisy!
Before you take offense at the children for the fact that they disrespect you, stop obeying you, become closed, do not trust, then this is only your fault, and you should not blame them for ingratitude. What you sow, as they say, you reap!
It all depends only on yourself. Change the model of your relationship with your child and everything will be completely different!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/pochemu-deti-vyrosli-takimi-neblagodarnymi.html
