Increasingly, you can hear about how traumatized adults are now. Improper parenting turned them into notorious, aggressive, cowardly and generally unhappy. This is because strict upbringing has never before meant the same "freedom", "the right to choose", "personality formation." Now parenting manuals say that you need to be softer with children and that you need to give them more freedom, to be a friend, to allow everything, etc.
But only according to the observations of scientists, we can conclude that children grow up successful with strict and demanding parents. What, why and why - read on.
To begin with, I will definitely say that severity does not equal physical violence. It's about something completely different. No buckwheat in the corner and a belt, only restrictions and exactingness. In order for scientists to come to a similar opinion about the strictness of parents and the success of children in the investigation, a study was conducted. It lasted for six years. The survey involved children 13-14 years old, there were more than 15,000 of them! And it was the children, whose parents were strict, who were more self-confident and persistent.
What else did the study show?
Children with strict mothers graduated from school, college and found high-paying jobs. Even if it’s very strange for you to hear that, it’s true! Yes, it was with strict parents that children became much more successful. And girls with strict mothers had a 4% less chance of getting pregnant at a young age. Yes, somehow a little, but still less!
Often we achieve heights when we do what we consider to be more correct and convenient for us, despite the fact that this does not at all coincide with the opinion and decision of our parents. But, no matter how we try to dismiss the advice and recommendations of our parents, our decisions are influenced by their opinion. Even though we are sure that we have decided everything ourselves.
What about examples?
Just look at examples from your life! Let's say your parents forbade you to communicate with a neighbor from the second entrance. They explained that this girl was behaving too vulgarly, swearing, skipping lessons, a deuce was enough. And, of course, you still talked with that girl, but you looked closely at her, evaluated her behavior, and it formed in your head what was good and what was bad. Over time, you still stopped communicating with her, because you understood the correctness of your parents. And now, as a result of such prohibitions, you can somehow subconsciously calculate unnecessary people for you!
Or such an example. Your classmates went to discos, met and kissed boys, and maybe even entered into an intimate relationship! And you were forced to sit at home, cram algebra and history, and solve laboratory physics. As a result, your classmates entered a local vocational school, and you achieved admission to a good university!
Children who are raised in strictness by their parents acquire a sense of responsibility. We somehow imperceptibly begin to maintain order in the room for ourselves, visit doctors regularly, pay the bills. We automatically start doing other things that make others nervous. But you are not nervous, you are used to them, and that's good. Is responsibility good?
Okay, we have grown up a long time ago, but we ourselves now have children. So I want to tell my parents the following. Control the child's life, but do not restrict freedom completely! If you prohibit something, then be sure to explain why. When your child reaches adolescence, he, of course, will begin to resist, and you will have to endure it, again without changing the methods of parenting. And then your explanations about the prohibitions, your moralizing, and so on will grow for the child into intuition and correct prioritization. Your rebel in recent times will understand that permissiveness destroys fate.
So go ahead, put on tight-knit gloves, they haven't hurt anyone yet.
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/strogie-roditeli-garantiya-uspeshnosti-detej.html
