When my husband and I started planning children, I registered on several mothers' sites in order to receive help from girls like me in the form of advice on raising babies. And you know, I did not understand the posts in which women condemned and even insulted their mother-in-law. Now I rarely go to those sites, but all the same, I often come across stories about the war between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law, and I just do not understand how this is possible! I have not been married for the first year, and I have never quarreled with my husband's mother, although there are plenty of reasons for this!
Mother-in-law: When will you help me with the spinning jars?
I: I don't have time yet, a lot of work!
Mother-in-law: Bring them to me then, I'll pickle the cucumbers myself.
I: Yes, okay, thanks, I can handle it myself, you are doing so much for us anyway!
Mother-in-law: I have plenty of time, don't worry!
I: Oh, well, well then, we'll deliver it in the evening!
Would I be a bad wife if I didn't roll cucumbers for the winter? No, I won't! And no one will accuse me of being a lazy person either! No one will lecture me on what is very important to make preparations for the winter. My husband's mom just helps me with a pure soul!
Mother-in-law: They planned to go to the dacha on Sunday ...
I: I can't do it, again a lot of work!
Mother-in-law: Well, I'll go myself then, no problem.
I: Mom, I would help you, but I have ...
Mother-in-law: Stop making excuses! It's okay!
And you know, my mother-in-law is right. I don't just plan on lounging on the couch over the weekend, I plan to work. And she doesn't call my husband to complain about me, she doesn't throw any tantrums. She just takes the seedlings, gets on the bus, and goes to the dacha.
The next weekend we already eat everything together, but my mother does not even say anything, does not condemn that in those days we could not go with her and help her. Our relationship with her is built on trust and understanding! The mother-in-law knows that if we have the opportunity and time, we will never refuse her!
With the birth of children, the prerequisites for scandals have become even greater.
Mother-in-law: Oh, daughters, forgive me, please, I was staring at the TV, and the boys took and cut their T-shirts!
I: Oh, mom, don't worry, they have such a naughty age now.
Mother-in-law: I will definitely buy them new ones.
I: Stop it, don't, they have a lot of things!
Mother-in-law: Well, it's my fault ...
I: Mom, well, these are children, anything can happen! Thanks for looking after them!
Then I walked with the boys in the park, and my acquaintance with her daughter joined us. We got to talking, and I told about the situation that had happened. A friend immediately began to throw mud at my mother-in-law, saying that it was dangerous to leave her children with her, and so on.
But why should I be angry? Do children always obey their parents? Is everything so perfect for everyone, and nothing extraordinary happens? In my childhood, for example, too, I cut my bangs, and made the skirt shorter, and tried to create "beauty" from the curtains in my parents' bedroom! Well, think about it, everything is over, no one has died. The point is to swear, why spoil the relationship with the mother-in-law?
Mother-in-law: Dochur, I overlooked, my boys fell asleep earlier, should I wake them up or not?
I: Yes, let them sleep then, I'll pick them up in the morning.
Mother-in-law: Maybe I’ll take them to the garden myself? I have clothes for the kindergarten.
Mother-in-law: Mom, you also need to go to work, you will be so late. I'll drop by your place early in the morning and take you myself. Do not worry!
Should you have scolded your mother-in-law for letting the kids fall asleep earlier? What happened to me, well, I got up early for half an hour, took the children, took them to the garden! Everything is fine!
But my mother-in-law is also sometimes tactless.
Mother-in-law: You need to lose a few pounds.
I: Thanks, I noticed.
Mother-in-law: If you want, I can sit with the boys in the evening, and you sign up for the gym!
I: We need to think about it. Thank.
Is that what I was supposed to be angry about? After all, I myself know that I have recovered a little. Should you have thrown a scandal or offended? This is nonsense! I respond to this adequately!
There are comments about the cleaning, I keep quiet and take note. When my mother-in-law gives me culinary advice, I listen to them, because she has more experience and practice in this.
The mother-in-law can come to our house at any time, and she is really the most welcome guest in our apartment. We are Family! Domestic disputes that arise in our family are petty, and we do not inflate them. Many women still stir up scandals sometimes because of a mere trifle, only in order to show their power, to amuse their ego, to be offended, to pretend to be a poor girl. What's the point of all this? Are they trying to alienate their husbands from their mothers? What for?
My mother-in-law turns a blind eye to my shortcomings, she protects our family from gossip and talk, she never speaks bad about me. And I am grateful to her help, to her advice. We built our relationship on understanding and trust, on politeness, the ability to compromise and put ourselves in someone else's place. And I will not allow anyone to break this connection with her. This woman gave birth to my husband, and already for that I respect her. She raised him to be a kind, caring, responsible man, and for that I am grateful to her.
The mother-in-law is condescending to me, and I am condescending to her. So, take our example, and your relationship with your husband's mother will also be warm and kind!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/zhizn/ne-rugajus-so-svekrovju-voobshhe-hotya-uzhe-davno-v-brake.html
