How do you know if your personal boundaries are really being violated? How to distinguish selfishness from setting boundaries?
This is evidence that partners (one or both) do not have personal boundaries.
What are the signs of a lack of personal boundaries?
1. The partner devalues your opinion, your views and interests, the only correct opinion is his opinion.
2. The partner doubts your adequacy, neglects your feelings, denies any of his own shortcomings or wrong actions: "It did not happen, it seemed to you that you are exaggerating, you are everything to yourself came up with ".
3. They constantly impose their opinion and their innocence on you: "Do as I say, I know how best." At the same time, your opinion and experience are not taken into account. But if something goes wrong, they blame you again for everything.
4. Your partner often "jokes" on topics that are important to you, devaluing the subject of the joke and your feelings.
5. They take your things without asking, dispose of at their own discretion. The partner checks your phone, mailbox, social networks.
6. You are being manipulated: they make scandals because of jealousy, they blame you for all their misfortunes, they put pressure on feelings of guilt and shame.
7. The partner controls all your social connections: decides with whom you can communicate, when and how, and with whom you cannot. Even if we are talking about the next of kin.8. Your needs are ignored as unimportant.
9. You completely dissolve in each other, losing yourself as an individual person with your own interests, separate opinions, etc.
These are all signs of disrespect and unhealthy relationships. For a harmonious relationship in a couple, personal boundaries must be built for both partners and must be mutually respected.
How to proceed to establish personal boundaries?
1. Don't let feelings of guilt and shame take over. Always remember that this is just a subject of manipulation, this has nothing to do with your real temperament or actions.
2. Stand up for boundaries calmly. Do not conflict and do not prove your right to personal space, opinions, and interests through quarrels.
3. Talk about your feelings. Your partner may not understand what hurts you with their words and actions.
Therefore, you need to calmly, but directly say: “I don’t like it when you joke on this topic. She is very sensitive for me, jokes upset me "," I need to be alone now, your presence bothers me "," Don't take my things without asking, don't put things in order in my box. "
4. Let yourself be on your side. How often do you hesitate to say "no" so as not to offend anyone? But then, you allow them to hurt you.
Start small: discard immediate plans that you don't really like. Ideally, you need to find a compromise solution - then it will really be a delineation of boundaries, and not just selfishness.5. Consider if you are a victim of violence. It can be both physical and economic (money as a way of manipulation) or emotional.
If you are constantly monitored, tormented by scandals, raised your hand, forced to do something, kept in fear and at the same time you are accused of everything, then this is no longer a violation of boundaries, but real violence.
It can also be passive: for example, a partner constantly plays the role of a victim, puts pressure on your conscience. But the main thing is that such people do not change, therefore it is necessary to take care of their physical and moral well-being and seek help.
You will also be interested to read:
- How to learn to stand up for yourself and say "no" in time
- How to keep love in a couple if you have a joint business
- How to criticize your husband so that he does not take offense
