What should not be said to victims of violence and how to communicate with them correctly?
"Maybe you yourself are to blame or provoked?"
The victim of violence is already constantly accused by the aggressor - regardless of what he does. Saying such phrases, you take the side of the aggressor and justify the fact that he uses violence against another person.
Try it on yourself - what action of yours would be a sufficient excuse for being beaten? Surely not?
On the contrary, you must convey to the victim of violence that no one has the right to behave like that with her.
"But I had ..."
The victim of violence does not have the inner resource to hear about your past problems. And such stories will not distract from the current problem.
It is much better to say that you are there and will not allow such violence to happen again. It is important to talk about the affected person, not about yourself.
"I know what you feel"
If you yourself have not been a victim of violence, then you do not know how this person is feeling. Each person individually perceives the same actions, pressure, violence and life in constant stress and fear.If you've experienced this, ask if advice is needed. If you haven’t survived, ask how you can help.
"This too will pass"
First, no, it won't. The scars will heal, but new ones will appear. Aggressors do not stop on their own and voluntarily. Violence only gets worse over time, and beatings become more severe and life-threatening.
Secondly, a person is hurt and scared here and now. It seems to him that the whole world is against it, and therefore there is absolutely no faith in a bright future.
What to say instead? Offer to find ways out together. Suggest phone numbers and addresses of centers where they help victims of violence, help with the search for separate housing, help financially.
"It is my own fault, I had to ..."
Before blaming the victim of abuse for being guilty of something, try to at least imagine that something like this could happen to you. Couldn't, because you know better how to behave? Excellent, but not a reason to brag in front of a person who is morally and physically almost destroyed and who needs a helping hand.
Never hit a lying person, even if it seems to you that his "mistakes" are obvious to you. Instead of such phrases, it is better to simply keep silent.
If you don't know how to choose the words so as not to offend the person, put aside comfort and offer specific help.
You will also be interested to read:
- Celebrity moms who survived childhood abuse
- 10 consequences of childhood sexual abuse
- 7 phrases that tired mom can't say
