How parents deal with negative emotions

Parents are often overwhelmed by the whole spectrum emotions: from extremely positive to extremely negative. If splashing out the positive is easy and pleasant, then what about the negative?

They need to learn to manage and find a healthy way of expression.

Here are some guidelines on how to learn how to do this.

1. Allow yourself and your child to emotion

It is useless to fight with the emotions themselves, they arise regardless of our desire. And to demand from yourself or the child not to be angry, not to be sad or not offended - it simply does not make sense.

Everyone has the right to emotions, whatever they may be. Another thing is how he expresses them.

2. Make your behavior mindful

Don't be led by negative impulses. If you are annoyed by the child's whims, then you immediately want to shout or slap him.

But you need to abstract as much as possible and look at the situation from the outside. After all, neither screaming nor physical punishment will achieve the goal that you really need.

Ask yourself the question, "What am I doing? What should I do? How will my behavior affect the future of the child and our relationship with him? What example am I setting for a child? "

3. Remember emotions come and go

The emotional background depends on a huge number of factors. Parents know better than anyone that joy and love for a child can be replaced by irritation and anger several times an hour.

Why is this happening? Hormones, fatigue, trouble at work or in relationships with other adults, negative surroundings environment, lack of sleep, emotional fatigue - all this is superimposed on the imperfect behavior of children and becomes the last straw.

But these emotions come and go. Neither you nor the child will be sad or angry all their lives. This is just a moment to be experienced.

4. Don't act out of emotion

When you make decisions, emotions should be turned off as much as possible, and the mind should be used as much as possible. Accordingly, in an evil, depressed, stressful state, no serious decisions can be made.

Emotions and related states (if we are not talking about clinical depression), as we have already said, pass. And the decisions made during this period and the words spoken may turn out to be a big mistake tomorrow. That is, it is definitely not worth breaking off relations and quitting under the influence of emotions.

5. Don't draw conclusions from just emotions

If a child is angry and aggressive, this does not mean that he does not love you (even if he said this in frustrated feelings).

You may be upset by a partner, friend, boss, child - but you don't need to think out for them what they did not say or do.

Of course, when someone is angry with you, a "puzzle" quickly forms in my head: "They don't love me, they don't appreciate me, nobody needs me here." But this is all speculation, which does not need to give in.

6. Think of your emotions as information for thought

When emotions have subsided, you do not need to pretend that they did not exist (even if you are ashamed and now have a feeling of guilt).

Analyze the situation: why it happened, what you managed to do to control your emotions and what not, how to prevent the situation in the future and improve your self-control.

7. Remember that children are your mirror

Parents often forget that children are actually their reflection. They adopt habits, words, manners, ways of reacting to a situation.

Yes, there are periods of crisis when no amount of calmness of the parents relieves the family of the baby's daily tantrums. But even at this stage, the child clearly sees and absorbs the parents' reaction: they accept or reject him, get irritated and angry, or unconditionally love him.

If you are angry and annoyed at the child's refusal to fulfill your request / demand, then it is natural that the child is also angry and annoyed if something goes against his will.

There is no single recipe for managing emotions for all families.

But at the heart of control over emotions and in general your life is always awareness, the ability to look at the situation from the outside, think about the consequences of their actions, live in the moment and feel it, not letting life and their emotional reactions take their course.

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