If parents become hostages of children's manipulation, the child assumes the role of head of the family. Do you want this?
The essence of manipulation is that an adult it seems that he takes a decision, but in reality it just is "on the hook" emotions and is subject to the will of the child.
Young children often roll their tantrums with reluctance have healthy food to eat or not included cartoon, constantly want to handle - and adults are going to meet, because it is easier than trying to convince. So parents are carefully tended, planted themselves on the hook for further manipulation.
Older children understand that parents, for example, are most concerned about their health. Accordingly, it is possible to manipulate, pretending fatigue, sick stomach, headache. Or parents cover their complexes, buying baby all the best. Then make a new expensive toy at all easy - just complain that the existing outdated, ugly, etc. And the child clearly understands what his phrases have the desired effect. With their help, the child can avoid the kindergarten, schools, all classes, trip to the doctor, wholesome food, homework, housework duties, etc.
How to protect children from manipulations
Do not give in to the child's age crises. Common is the so-called crisis of three years. But in fact it is the same as the crisis year, two, ten and fifteen. Just three years the child begins to speak, but because the crisis of his behavior are perceived differently than before. All human life pursuing crisis and the need to adapt to a new reality: that sit on the pot, then go that is new in food kindergarten, school, university, work, find a common language with other people, and to please his parents second half, to become a parent, and so Further.
If parents perceive the crisis as a call to fulfill all the requirements of the child - the crisis will become permanent. To avoid this, do not let emotions overcome logic and be consistent - as in the restrictions and penalties, and in promotions.How it works: if the child refuses to do housework because I was tired and sore feet - mother allows him to lie down, to rest, but then proceed to the task at hand, rather than doing it all over work.
Does not compensate for their children's complexes at the expense of the child. Perhaps your childhood was not very secured, and would you like to have a lot of toys or some beautiful things, but the funds were not on them. And now, for your children, you are buying a lot of expensive toys, clothes, even when it is not no need to. The child clearly picks up your weakness and will turn out it in the right side of him. Parents need to be able to refuse a child again, including logic and realizing that he really needs and what is not.
Prevention of child manipulation
1. Develop a child's social intelligence: the ability to take into account the interests and concerns of other people agree.
2. Configure the child an adequate system of values: it is unacceptable to do and what you can, as they behave in society, as well as possible, that is, what is good and what is bad.
3. Teach your child to achieve all alone, cheers, praise, mark his progress.
4. Keep children without excessive care, when the child gets used to shift all the responsibility on the adults in his life.
5. Maintain the child's independence and the desire to take responsibility.
6. By his own example, show that to apologize and ask for forgiveness - not ashamed or afraid.
7. Keep in a family friendly atmosphere, pay attention to his wife and children, be there, be interested in each other's lives.
What exactly can not be done in the fight against children's manipulation:
1. Threaten, that will give the child to a boarding school, driving on the street, it will take the police or someone else's uncle. Under no circumstances, whatever the emotion, not so threatening to the kid. You tear his affection for you, trust and settle in it the fear of the new and alien.
2. Do not handle food and gifts. You can not mix good behavior and good food, the child did not grow up with this stable association that themselves need to comfort or reward meal. You also can not take away what you have presented to him for bad behavior. This shows your child that, firstly, the adults do not keep their word, and they can not be trusted, and secondly, that the baby can not control even what belongs to him personally. So will try to recover the control of additional movements.
3. Do not make fun of the child and not to mock him. If the child does not receive the praise and support, even from their parents - about healthy relationships with others do not even have to talk.4. Be afraid of the child that does not depend on the fact from him. That is "ill will conduct - my grandmother a heart attack and die" - is a very bad manipulation with adult hand. If suddenly the grandmother did something were to happen, the child will get a bunch of psychological trauma that manipulation will seem "flowers."
You will be interested to know 3 bad advice on how to raise a child from the manipulator.
