Why is it harmful to be friends with your own children

Doesn't being an authoritarian parent mean becoming a friend to your child? Take your time to embody this.

Let's start with the main thing: parents and children cannot be friends in the classical sense of the word, because friendship presupposes equality. But between parents and children 100% equality simply should not be. Why? Let's explain.

0-6 years old

The child actively learns to interact with the world, repeats after the parents, while he still does not know all the subtleties world order, all the dangers, cannot independently make most of the decisions on which his life depends and health. Accordingly, parents must guide, prompt, and play a leading role.

But at the same age, children are given a framework to show which behavior is acceptable and which is not. Friendship at this age can be manifested in games with the child, respect for his interests, attention to him, spending time together.

6-11 years old

At this time, the child has school friends - and at home he does not need friendship. On the contrary, you need a reliable rear, a self-confident adult who you can trust and come with your problems. At the same time, it is important for parents to maintain unconditional acceptance and love for the child, to remain on his side in any situation (this does not mean that the child is always right, the question is only in the reaction of adults to his wrong).

Parents, one way or another, should have an authority in front of the child, so that he or she can take something good from them, observe the rules established in the family. But if there is friendship between adults and children, then the attitude towards the parent will be appropriate: I don't want to and I don't listen, I do what I want.

It is the authority of the parents, the support they can provide, that prompts the child to turn to them with his problems.

12 years and older

Parents often go too far in their attempts to make friends with their teen to build a relationship of trust. Adults should not involve children in their personal problems, ask for advice and protection, talk about their fears and experiences.

If you are trying to be on an equal footing with the child, showing your vulnerability, then this does not add credibility to you. Thus, the teenager is shifted to the solution of issues and the role of the "adult" who must calm, comfort and support the "child".

Of course, you can ask the child's opinion on any issue, but he should not be responsible for your actions.

When there is a teenager in the house, parents should be more like bystanders, ready to lend their shoulders and help. But to get into the soul, calling for frank conversations, is definitely not worth it, as well as delving into the child's personal belongings and gadgets.

You will also be interested to read:

  • How to help a child if he has no friends
  • 10 secrets of ideal parents - how to better understand children
  • 9 most useful parenting skills
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