How to communicate with children if you work hard

Children do not understand the arguments that you need to work hard to earn money for toys, study, clothes, etc. But even if they do, they feel differently inside - first of all, they need loving parents, attention, the feeling that they are needed, that they have not been abandoned.

How to establish high-quality communication with children if there is neither time nor energy for it?

1. Spend at least 30 minutes together

This should become the rule of your every day. If there are several children, then each should have a separate time. 30 minutes not for a joint dinner or washing dishes, but for games, conversations, just hugs.

2. Keep in touch throughout the day

Exchange pleasant, warm messages with your child, photos of something interesting that you saw.

3. Consider your words and actions 

Consider them from the perspective of a toddler. Perhaps he was offended when you did not listen to him, listened inattentively or did not appreciate the idea, responded with reproaches?

Perhaps it was worthwhile to devote 5 minutes to the child when he asked, and not to lead to a conflict when both you and his patience ran out?

4. Don't replace attention with gifts

All parents who work hard do this. They try to "buy" the child's love with the help of gifts, concessions. So their consciences feel a little better. But the real attention of parents cannot be replaced by gifts.

You will only bring up in the child the wrong attitude to things, shopaholism, substitution of feelings for things, the desire to seize negative emotions, fill them with new purchases.

5. Don't make empty promises

If you're not sure you can keep a promise, don't make it at all. So the child will be less upset than he will be waiting for you all evening, and you will suddenly stay late at work.

Can't predict how the day will turn out? So tell your child, don't give him false hopes.

6. Give a choice

You are used to making many decisions at work - and communication with your child turns into another "project" in which you have given out instructions and are waiting for them to be followed. But in this case, the child feels even more abandoned: you do not spend time with him, while you tell him what to do, regardless of his desires.

Let him choose his own hobby groups, let him spend the rest of his free time as he wants, even if you see his ideal childhood differently. If a child has a choice, he sees that his opinion is taken into account, he is accepted and respected.

7. Focus on the child

Communication with your child should not go "in the background" while you are mentally thinking about things or looking at something on your smartphone. Just being around for half an hour, without delving into the words of the child, without listening and not being interested, is useless time. Talk to your child, ask questions, show emotions, be surprised, laugh, talk about how important he is to you.

8. Do not blame your child for being busy

Yes, you work a lot, including for him. But one cannot reproach the child with this, they say, "I work so hard, and you are also with your problems." He did not ask you to work like this and where you do it. But he really wants to speak and spend time together.

Likewise, you do not need to constantly remind the child that he lives at your expense, and therefore you are more important in the house. Until he can live otherwise than depending on you, then this is just emotional pressure on your part. It does not lead to anything good.

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