Parenting is not about giving orders. You teach your child how to live in this world, but you yourself must acquire some skills.
And to get closer to answering the question, check to see if you have the following helpful parenting skills.
1. Reach out to the wise inner self
This is not easy if an emotional situation has arisen in which you want to react with a shout or similar action.
But the best way at such a moment is to abstract away and ask yourself: what is the right thing to do, wisely, taking into account the perspective and influence of one episode on your whole life and your relationship with the child?
And you need to do just that. Hug, even if the child is pissed off, smile when you want to shout, keep silent when the most wrong words come into your head, insist on your own, show consistency, etc.
2. Think long term
Every decision we make, small or large, has consequences. And it is important to think not only about the short-term consequences, but also those that will come over time and will be more significant.
You are calming the child with chocolate now - and it works. Then again and again. Then the child begins to demand a chocolate bar for any reason. Then he has problems with his teeth, a wrong relationship with food, replacement of pleasant emotions harmful goodies, being overweight, going to a psychologist to learn how to get joy without chocolate and etc.
Today you yelled or even spanked the kid - and it seems like it felt better for a while. But the problem has not been resolved. You are morally exhausted and break down on the child, and he is afraid of the closest person in the world - the parent.This threatens both psychological and physiological problems in the not so distant future. And most certainly, with this approach, your relationship will not get better over time.
Another example: you work very hard so that the children not only have everything they need, but also beyond that. At the same time, they do not receive the most important thing - parental attention, emotions, love. And in the future, this is what will play a key role in their life, and not a private school for which you are so eager to make money.
Think about what you can change in each of your days now to make your family and yourself happier. Maybe, on the contrary, you do not devote time to yourself, all the time with your children - and this is exhausting, exhausting, burnout sets in, there is no question of happiness.
If you do not like a specific part of the day, for example, when you need to feed the children or put them to bed - get creative with the problem, try changing your usual rituals. Perhaps then everything will be easier and more pleasant.
Try to focus on the true needs of the child, and not your idea of what his ideal life should be. A child's life should have personal time, personal space, a lot of unconditional love, warmth and care, acceptance by parents. Everything else is secondary and should not be at the head of education.
3. Show unconditional love
The child should see that he is loved by you not only when he behaves well and gives good grades. It is much more important to show that you love him, including when he behaves badly, you love him all, with merits and demerits, accept him by anyone, respect his interests and rights.
If a child sees that his parents love him, even if he is punished for misconduct, then he will not once again check the boundaries of what is permitted. And most importantly, there will be trust in the relationship, because the child needs acceptance - and receives it.4. Appreciate your child's uniqueness
Stop comparing him to other children. Your child has a unique appearance, a unique character, he is a personality and he is what he is and how you bring him up.
Always be on the side of the child, do not place any special hopes or expectations on him, he is free to go his own way - and this right must be respected. Instill in him the habit of defending his interests in any situation (even if at some point it turns against your interests).
5. Maintain affection with your child
Take time to always listen to what the child has to say to you, not to rush, criticize or reproach.
Try to tune in to his wave: understand interests, needs, see the true reasons for actions, and not just their external manifestation.
Listen to your intuition, not someone else's advice. Nobody knows your child better than you.
6. Doubt your ideas, be flexible
Some principles of upbringing should be periodically reviewed: have they lost their relevance in the strength of the child's growing up or changed life circumstances, whether they work the way they did conceived.
Do not be afraid to change the approach to parenting, abandon unnecessary prohibitions and rules, or modify them.7. Stay calm and consistent
Parents always think that their affairs are more important than what the child is trying to distract them. Nevertheless, for his age, his affairs are also serious, this must be treated with respect.
Before you deny your attention, think about whether you really can't get distracted, or are you just doing it out of habit?
Give your child the opportunity to choose, the ability to make decisions within the framework you have outlined.
Try to be patient in any situation. If the child does not obey, ruins or breaks something, you need to explain to him the consequences of the act as calmly as possible.If the misconduct was committed on purpose, it should be followed by age-appropriate punishment (not physical or emotional abuse). for example, depriving a tablet for a week.
8. Set an example of good habits
Sports, proper nutrition, information hygiene, quality leisure - all these children inherit from their parents, absorbing their habits and lifestyle. And it’s strange to demand from a child what you don’t do yourself. If you want your child to eat healthy food, do not eat fast food with him. If you want him to read books, read it yourself.
9. Give yourself some indulgence
There are no perfect moms and dads. Today you are calm like a boa constrictor and you translate the conflict into a joke, and tomorrow fatigue was superimposed on the work blockage, the children broke the window with a ball - and patience and wisdom were gone.
Striving to be the perfect parent is certainly worth it. But it is also important to remember that we are all human, and we cannot be perfectly correct 24/7 (otherwise, you can get a nervous breakdown).
Be condescending to yourself, your loved ones, and those around you. After all, all that each of us really needs is love, in its broadest sense.
You will also be interested to read:
- 10 secrets of ideal parents - how to better understand children
- 10 things kids really want from us
- 10 things kids inherit from dad
