A few days ago, a distant relative called me, which caught me off guard. We ourselves do not even remember who we are, we talk once or twice a year, but our parents were on very good terms. Well, it didn't work out with her somehow.
I didn't even have time to ask her how she was doing, when she immediately began asking me where and with whom our family was going to celebrate the New Year. I do not celebrate the New Year with friends, this is a family holiday. Therefore, I told my relative that my husband and I were going to be at home, and we were not expecting anyone to visit.
Do you know what answer I heard? A relative said that her husband is leaving on a business trip, so on December 31 she will come to celebrate the holiday with us! It is quite difficult to refuse people, and I didn’t want to offend my relative, but I realized that if I don’t leave her right now, then that’s it, she will really come. She and her children! And her children plus our children are not a holiday, not a vacation, this is horror.
Again, New Year has always been a family holiday for me. This year I wasn't even going to set a big table. Everything is according to the standard - Olivier, under a fur coat, sandwiches, chicken, conservation.
But my relative didn't hear me at all. She thought that we didn’t want to invite her to us, because we would have a whole house of guests. I tried to justify myself and explain everything once again, but she had already hung up the phone and was offended. I tried to call back, but not to apologize, because there was nothing, but just to explain. We are used to celebrating the New Year with our family circle, it is for us like a sacrament, like something personal. But it was useless, didn't pick up the phone for the second day. I was already beginning to worry if I was doing the right thing. But we did not agree on anything, I originally planned everything differently!
So these are the main reasons why I refused a relative!
1. As I said, for me New Year is a family holiday. I don't like parties, buckets of alcohol, strangers around. If on other holidays it can still be endured, then on New Year's I don't want to. We plan to celebrate the New Year this way until our children become adults. And in general, it seems to me that the New Year should be celebrated in silence, harmony, tranquility. Overnight, what kind of guests? You can celebrate with guests on other days!
2. As for this particular relative, we, together with her family, have already celebrated the 23rd of February this year. We decided to celebrate in the country, and cook at home. We threw in money and shared responsibilities. I cooked salads, my husband had kebabs, and my family had desserts and fruits. I don’t remember how much money I spent, but the table turned out to be gorgeous. Do you know what our guests brought? A bunch of bananas and 2 liters of juice! This is normal? I’m not greedy, but it’s a little offensive. And at the end of the holiday, washing dishes and cleaning fell on my shoulders.
3. I have already spoken about the third reason - the children of a relative. You say, well, how can children interfere? I love children, but ill-mannered people annoy me very much. A relative of a boy of three, five and ten years old. When their family was visiting us somehow, the youngest tomboy tried to cut the curtains in the kitchen with scissors, then turned on oven and almost poured boiling water on himself, and then the middle one washed himself in the bathroom so much that he did not turn off the tap, and generally sent it to floor. And you know? It was I who ran after the boys everywhere, and watched so that they did not do anything or were killed somewhere. And their mother sat, sipped tea, and laughed, listening to the stories of her husband.
You cannot celebrate the New Year in anxiety, anxiety, and around people you don't like. And you, what do you think about this?
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/reshila-vstrechat-novyj-god-v-semejnom-krugu-a-rodstvennica-obidelas.html
