Many adults who grew up in Soviet times never learned to be happy. For some reason, there is some fear of a normal, fulfilling life. "If today I laugh, then tomorrow I will cry", "if I rest for a long time, then there will be no time to solve matters", and all kinds of "on rainy day ”,“ what will people think ”,“ what the neighbors will say ”,“ uncomfortable in front of others ”,“ if happy, don't tell anyone ”, etc. But all this echoes of Soviet childhood, it was our parents who instilled this in us almost from birth, fed with similar phrases throughout the entire subsequent life. In other words, Soviet children grew up with disrespect, lack of freedom and self-dislike.
How did children live in Soviet times?
All the bad ones were always eaten out of the New Year's bag of sweets, and only at the end could one afford a Mishka or Squirrel chocolate. And in the parents' closet there was always an expensive box of chocolates "for the holiday", a can of mayonnaise "for the new year", a porcelain set "for the arrival of guests." All Soviet people lived with the thought that the time would come when it would be possible to use all this. Unfortunately, in most cases, for many, these very times did not come, the services were transferred to the heirs, who, in turn, continued to store the dishes "for a rainy day."
All these are echoes of the USSR!
One of my friends, a girl classmate, had a daddy who was a famous doctor. She always had beautiful clothes, because her father often went on a business trip abroad, beautiful pencil cases and briefcases, and sometimes her father also picked her up after school in brand new Zhiguli. We grew up, a classmate entered honey, but failed the exams. Then dad just stopped talking to her, like - did not justify his hopes. He considered it a betrayal.
Here's another example. Dad is an artist, poet, very smart, constantly self-developing, people are drawn to him, because it is interesting to communicate with a real genius. And then his daughter reports that she is pregnant and is getting married. Firstly, pregnancy outside of marriage is a shame, and secondly, dad did not like the choice of his daughter. That's it, the relationship between father and daughter is over. The girl gets married, gives birth to a child, does not communicate with her father, and her mother sends her money and helps her secretly from her husband.
And here is the story about the poet. His daughter was born, and as soon as she learned to rhyme words, he began to demand that she do it every day. The girl tried, brought her dad “fresh lines” every day, at the same time she studied, grew, worked, got sick, got married, gave birth, ran a house, nursed children. And then she realized that rhyme does not go, well, this is not her, poetry. In this case, the father did not stop communicating with his daughter, but at every opportunity he tried to remind her that someday she should return to poetry, and even publish her own poetic volume. "Why do not you write? No inspiration again? How much can you do useless things! "
You know, there are a lot of examples. Many of my acquaintances have already recognized their relationship with their parents in these. It was as if we didn't live on our own. We tried to please our parents, to meet their expectations, we were not given a choice in the plan professions, we ourselves did not decide anything, we walked along the line, so God forbid not to anger mom and not dishonor dad.
Our parents did not know at all what happiness was, but they truly believed in a happy future. And we were taught this, to constantly wait, to plow like a horse now, to strive for something, and then there will be happiness. But many of us were trained to such an extent that we continue to work to this day, still waiting for the bright times. But we already have children of our own, and we never lived for ourselves, because we thought it was wrong, we thought that it was not time yet, that we still had to push and wait.
One can understand our parents, they lived in a state where the social stood above the personal, happiness was in work, the meaning of life was measured by the benefits brought to the country. Their own life was not appreciated and did not matter. Everyone needed to increase labor productivity and build a bright future, it is not clear to whom.
And what is the use of the fact that our parents were intellectually developed, educated, had broad interests, if they could not raise happy children?
Now the world has changed, but we, Soviet children, still live with some complexes and a feeling that we are all around should, we even now feel some sense of guilt that we are trying to live for ourselves, that we want to build a personal happiness.
Unfortunately, even going to a psychologist often doesn't help. He will say: “love yourself, accept yourself in any form and condition,” but we do not understand how to do this. Something prevents these Soviet manners and foundations from moving.
What should we, Soviet children, do to become happy? Just give up on what we were taught. Yes, otherwise there is no way. Eat chocolates right away, stop living on other people's expectations, no need to please anyone and try to look your best. Get the expensive dishes out of the cupboard and eat out of them right from today. Take out a box with expensive sweets, fresh preserves, which are for the holidays, put on a beautiful blouse and arrange a holiday for the family. Start living fully in order to become happy, and so that your children do not grow up unhappy in any way!
It turns out that the whole world is tired of ambitions, information and feelings of guilt! Now people are looking for ways and reasons for joy. And happiness, no matter what!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/sovetskoe-detstvo-ili-pochemu-roditeli-ne-nauchili-nas-byt-schastlivymi.html
