Strange, but sometimes, the more you help a person, the worse he starts to treat you... Anyone needs help when a difficult situation arises in life. But, when suddenly someone starts to help him, he takes it for granted. I'm not saying that this is the case for everyone, but more often than not, the person who is helped becomes demanding, somehow jealous and picky. Why is this happening? Maybe then you shouldn't help anyone? Or is it still necessary to help, despite the sudden aggression?
Once the legendary singer Utesov met a crying woman on the street. The man could not pass by, and decided to ask what had happened. The woman told an unpleasant story that for a very long time she had been saving up money to set the table for her birthday, but now she suddenly found out that her wallet was gone. Utesov felt so sorry for the poor fellow that he simply gave her the amount that she had lost. But the woman did not let up, and continued to cry.
- Why are you crying? - asked the singer. - I gave you money.
- Yes, - the girl answered offended. - And the wallet ?!
What can you think of in such a situation? The fact that a woman is greedy is not enough for her, is she terribly ungrateful? In fact, the woman has suffered a loss, and she needs more than help. She wants to achieve the effect, as if nothing happened at all, in order to completely get rid of unpleasant circumstances. What's wrong here? After all, a woman seems to want to feel protected?
Every person wants to feel protected. One well-known philosopher wrote interesting information in his book "On the Animal and Man".
If we compare a person, a small newborn, and animals, then what can be observed? The man lies, so defenseless, while the chicks know how to get food, and the insects already know how to move. A person has to learn everything for a very long time, and to learn the world around him, he does not understand anything, and does not know how. But man is given intelligence, he is the one and only creature that can stand in full growth and just look at the sky. He can earn money, develop his knowledge, pray to God ...
Therefore, it is very anxious and even painful for a person to realize his insecurity and helplessness. This is one of the reasons that he begins to fantasize about help, and wants not just participation, but that absolutely everything was decided for him. This does not happen to every person, but only to those who cannot build mature relationships and mature protection from their insecurity. Otherwise, he will seek an immature defense.
Here's another example. In childhood, it seems to a child that his parents are “omnipotent”, because they solve all his problems and make life comfortable. Coziness, warmth, food, care. Over the years, this faith in parents will gradually melt, but not completely. Someone can live with their parents until old age, because this is how they feel protected, while others manage to become mature and become an “all-powerful” adult themselves. However, everyone has the hope that the "omnipotent" mother will be able to solve the problems, and when she refuses, there is indignation. By the way, this is attributed to dislike, but everything is different. It's just that a person has an unconscious desire not to feel displeasure at all!
As soon as dissatisfaction and tension arise, pleasure disappears. But this very “omnipotent” mother, from whom a person wants to receive protection, is also indestructible. You can insult her, treat her in a boorish way, be ungrateful, she can endure all this. And from all this it follows that the more we support the fantasies of others, those who need help, the more we provoke attacks of aggression in them.
And, even if we help a person from the bottom of our hearts, there is no need to expect that they will thank us, rather, it is worth waiting for aggression. Because in the minds of people the one who can do everything is to blame for everything!
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The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/pochemu-k-nam-otnosyatsya-tem-huzhe-chem-bolshe-my-pomogaem.html
