Two people who have grown up in different families decide to live together. And among the many difficulties that they inevitably face when will the euphoria of the first months - a discrepancy of ideas about what a family is. Not the least role in this play was originally incorrect installation and unjustified expectations.
By the time we are ready to start a family, almost all of us have an idea of what should be the relationship with our second half. Most of them are based on the model of parent relations. Moreover, we can consciously or unconsciously adopt this model, any attempt to resist it. On the formation of ideas about the "right" family influence, it is not strange, read books, movies, examples of other families - both positive and negative. But there is no perfect relationship and steady myths about them can seriously complicate relations. So what are the unrealized expectations interfere with enjoying each other's company:
IF he (she) likes SHOULD FEEL THAT I NEED TO UNDERSTAND AND WITHOUT WORDS
One of the most dangerous myths. In the initial (candy buketny) phase relationship when both inflames passion partners are so attuned to each other that there is a feeling almost telepathic communication - it is worth thinking about his favorite, and he has rings; Meet in the crowd, you can not even making an appointment, etc. But with the development of relations, is an acute feeling is modified to become more relaxed and each pair is gradually becoming the same. Understanding without words in a family is possible, but that it occurred, it is necessary to work long and patiently, less demand and more to give.
CHILDBIRTH fastening Marriage and brings him PARENTS
Myth or not - to judge is difficult. Most likely polumif. If the birth of a baby - a mutual decision and before the relationship was stable between prospective parents, you were good together, common concerns can help you get closer even more. At the physiological level, the woman is arranged so that after the birth of a baby, her feelings for the partner usually erupt with renewed vigor, and it actively participates in the hormone oxytocin, which is produced in excess during breastfeeding. But baby care - a serious test for the father of the child, he may feel that his wife is no longer so much in love with him, he does not want to.
If the relationship deteriorated, the birth of a new man may well further alienate the spouses of each other
I redid her husband and he would be the way I want
"Rework" partners learn to engage in many women's magazines, but this way - definitely a dead end. Linking their lives with an adult, you accept it the way it is. You may be able to get him something that he is not peculiar, but because then it will be a completely different person, right? It is not the one to whom initially fell choices. Respect and trust, rather than taming and handling will help develop and preserve the Union. A change you two, and it is inevitable in the course of the relationship. It is an axiom.
We should all do together and not have secrets from each other
Family - not a prison, but cohabitation of two adults (and with the birth of children, and more), separate and independent personalities. In addition to the common life, each family member has an absolute right to a private space and time, when he will do something that concerns only him. If you have a need to share everything with his half - this is your personal choice, but do not demand it of him. Otherwise, the risk to ensure that there will be more secrets.
In happy families NEVER quarrel
This is not quite true. More precisely, it is not so. Avoid conflict is unlikely to succeed, no matter how you tried. Of course, you should try as much as possible to restrain themselves in the bounds of decency, but even more important to learn how to properly and without loss out of the conflict. If any quarrels should be taboo, which can not be transgressed - to insult each other, beat the most painful places that you know, do not make trouble with children and others. Do not use a favorite female method of punishment - a game in a silence. It does not effectively and strongly harassed man, even if he will have to put first.
Family relationship - a difficult but very important work, which is, alas, no one teaches. Be patient and tolerant, and you will be able to overcome the crises that inevitably occur in family relations. Be happy!
