Differences occur across the board, but the constant accusations can destroy relationships.
Because of what all husband and wife exchanged accusations? Psychologists distinguish the following reasons.
Shifting the responsibility to the partner to maintain self-esteem
Anyone who is dissatisfied, accuses the partner, to justify myself, I is not bad, that's all it is. Since acts of self-defense mechanism that keeps a picture of the world in his head it is what it would like to see (and not what it is, really). And in this picture of the world you've nothing to blame, and your partner creates such circumstances that something negative impact, but of you, of course, does not depend on anything.
The danger: the reluctance to look at the situation and your mistakes objectively leads to the fact that a person is not going to change. After all, he - "good" and "bad" - this is all the rest. And criticism of not only the husband / wife. Eternally dissatisfied partner blames for all the failures of politicians, parents, children, anyone who earns more and has better appearance and health. Thus he always kicker - "a victim of circumstances" and "other people's mistakes." With this approach to the life of a person any kind of relationship (not only love) are doomed to failure.
Provoking partner in guilt to atone for their "sins"
How it looks: for example, you change the wife or going to do it, you tormented conscience. And then the brain includes self-defense: I change, because his wife brought their shortcomings. Accordingly, the more she will express reproach you, the more comfortable will your conscience. After all, it is bad, it is literally forced you to change.The danger: reproaches do not usually deal with the real problems that exist in marriage. Accordingly, the pair did not pronounces what is really important. As a result, problems accumulate and can lead to rupture.
Masking the true problems of marriage
Unfortunately, often the real cause of conflict and discontent spouses to each other is much deeper than that they give voice to the reproaches. Among the claims that they recite, can be arbitrary, lack of money, dissatisfaction with his / her parents, the inability to do something. In this case, the real cause of discontent can be understood that the marriage was a mistake as a whole. For example, if it took place due to pregnancy, parental pressure or other similar reasons. And when the couple acquires the property, children, wife, to some extent (or even a lot) independent of each other, respectively, recognize the fallacy of relationship seems unreal. As a result, the husband and wife who do not like each other, just beginning to communicate through constant reproaches.What is dangerous: it is possible your marriage from those pointless to save because it is not built on love, but on the circumstances. And if you continue to avoid discussing the main issues of your relationship, you will lose nothing for many years.
Depreciation partner to hide their own weakness
The pair, both partners are well aware of the weaknesses of each other. And "beat" them reproaches - to undermine confidence. Why is it necessary for someone in a pair? To hide their own vulnerability to attack first and take the role of the aggressor and not the victim.What it is dangerous to trust the loss and as a result - the loss of a partner. Because it is impossible to live and be in a relationship with someone who does not support you, but rather tries to hurt more painful.
How not to become the aggressor, the prosecutor in the pair?
1. Understand the true reason why you constantly reproach partner. If after careful consideration you still think that your partner is really worthy of so many accusations - then think about why you're still with him in the relationship.
2. If we talk about mistakes or shortcomings partner, do not use the words "always" and "never." Need to deal with the specific situation, rather than to generalize that "like this all my life."
3. Talk about actions, rather than the individual. If a person did something wrong - it does not mean that it is necessarily bad or stupid, or do you evil. Do not reproach for character traits, temperament and other components of personality that people can not change.
4. Speak in terms of their feelings: "I think", "upset me", "I think", "I would like", etc. Because claims that you express it in the first place is your perception of the situation, which can not be the objective. Do not make the person feel worthless and guilty before the world only because of the fact that he got you a hot hand.
5. Think of someone else's opinion. Some difficult it is to accept, but you must accept the fact that you do not know everything better than anyone else, you can be wrong, around - the same people, with their interests, attitudes and virtues. Take their criticism and claims on, first of all analyze own shortcomings. Remember that in order to achieve a harmonious relationship in the pair must change both partners. Yes, even you.
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