As soon as grow our children to replace anxieties about colic, colds and broken knees come other parents' concerns. And one of those, "my mother's troubles" frequently becomes smoking. Perhaps you feel the smell of tobacco coming from the clothes of your beloved offspring, or that "he had been smoking for garages," you whispered a neighbor.
In any case, do not panic. Treat philosophically what is happening and accept it as the next stage of maturation. This does not mean that all need to ride and allow the child to wreck their health. We must act. But very carefully, because the teenager trust is very easy to lose.
Do not dream! For many mothers, I learned that their chubby toddler yesterday, today, picked up a pack of cigarettes, panic and starts conjure images one another worse: now the son picks up a syringe, and the daughter is rapidly rolls on inclined. That is why most parents are so sensitive to the child's first experience of smoking.
But if a little to let the situation calm and to think, it becomes clear that the relationship between what a child today tasted nicotine and "ruined" no future. Around the many examples of successful people who, unfortunately, spoil your health with the help of cigarettes.
Also, according to psychologists: roll down an inclined children can just after certain parent's message containing the cry and the assurance that now anything good out of it does not happen. In other words, "not to disappoint," Mom and Dad, the teenager begins to behave according to their settings.
In addition, if a teenager sees that parents too seriously perceive this problem, it gets kind of manipulation of the lever, pulling them into the game "Cop and thief." That is, the parent dogs and sniffing the evidence from careless offspring, who in turn is trying to outwit him and conceal the "crime."
Neither of which trust and mutual understanding in this case can be no question. This situation may go into smoking habit of stable and may subsequently be other more dangerous substances. Vera parents in child works wonders. Children hear words without our messages, so do not need to infect the child fears, how bad he'll be in life. In this case, it will either follow your fears and will strive to do "bad" or a lifetime trying to prove you otherwise, which is also very painful and agonizing. Therefore it is better to think that your little boy, all in his life well, and will be even better.
By example. Think about what has caused the inclusion of your fears after you find out that your child smokes. Perhaps something like this happened in your family, or you associate a situation with something from the past? With someone from friends or relatives, landed in trouble?
Think about why you cast it on your child, why do you think should happen to him any harm. If a family history associated with smoking does exist, it's time to calmly talk about it with your child. You can also share your experiences honestly say that you too once tried to smoke and then become dependent and you had to do it even when you do, it would seem, did not want to. How easily and well you began to wake up in the morning, when thrown into this addiction. Only it does not all sound like a lecture, but rather as a friendly conversation.
"Calm, not panic!" First you need to define the "scope of the tragedy", in order to understand what is true and what is rumor. Is your child addicted to smoke or interest made a couple of puffs, not to fold in front of classmates.
To clarify the situation, it is not necessary to hire a private investigator to follow the child, suspicious look closely to it and sniff, and ask a neighbor to spy. It is better to simply talk frankly. And without charges.
Use the "I-messages". That is, instead of saying, "Oh, you're so bad ..." to choose the form: "I heard rumors that you smoke. It bothers me. I'm worried about your health, I'm afraid it will be dependent. " No need to put the child in the position of an outcast, "no smoking in our family." It is better to ask what motivated him to smoking - curiosity, the desire to assert themselves, and peers can just get it "on the weak." Do not intimidate the child, and to appeal to the facts regarding the dangers of smoking, and ask what he thinks to do in the future and together look for the way out.
And finally, remember that very soon your baby is completely grown and now is formed by the relationship between you and your child-adult. And most importantly, that you have not lost a sense of trust, warmth and tenderness to each other. Take care of yourself and your loved ones!
And we think that you will be interested to learn, how to respond when your child suddenly wanted to make (or have made) a tattoo.
