Imagine an orchestra that conducts master. Melody sounds smoothly, without a hitch... Now imagine a second orchestra for a music stand when the child stands and waves his baton like no hitting.
Presented? Now, understand that first orchestra - it's the adult nervous system, where hormones are more or less "trained" and garmonozirovany. The second band - the central nervous system of the child, wherein the hormone is created havoc, and the processes of excitation and inhibition in a hurry, the late. And tears for the child - a very important part of the natural, innate recovery system of the body. When the baby cries - he tries to recover, collect themselves brick by brick, and if we say those words to him, on the contrary, destroy the baby.
When we feel physical or emotional damage, rather than to save the pain and remain in suspense, we are "discharged" through tears, laughter, anger and so on. This is how the body processes and releases emotions, returning to the peace of mind.
Prohibition as stress
Barring the baby cry, we block them the possibility to transfer his or her physical or mental pain, throw themselves from uncomfortable feelings and calm down. crying sounds are irritating us (especially if a number of people), and we affirm the child 7 phrases unsafe blocks:
- Do not roar, stop crying, and then we go home!
- Do not cry, you himself / herself to blame!
- Stop bawling, all will laugh with you!
- Stop whining, you have big / great!
- When you cry, you're so ugly / ugly!
- Cool kids do not cry because of such trifles!
- Do not cry, or I will (I will punish, I will not give anything, I will not love, etc.)!
This is akin to what the child has fallen and skived knee, and we sprinkle with salt... This is totally wrong. And what, one wonders, in this case?
Instead of shaming the child and to suppress his crying should do the exact opposite - to talk about their understanding of the "bitter grief," to maintain the mood and crumbs... encourage his crying. Yes, yes, to cry daze on all cylinders. Then the baby will feel that his grief understand he is not alone. This will help him cope with the emotions and the relationship between you become stronger.
Support me!
Here are some phrases that will help to make it clear that you are near to the kid in his grief, not condemn, and you know the condition of the crumbs regret it:
– I can see you're upset.
- I know, dear, how hard / sick.
- I'll be with you until you are so upset.
- I'm not going anywhere.
- I'm so sorry that you lost toy / candy dropped / quarreled with a friend.
- I hear you, my baby, tell me everything, everything.
- I embrace you, and you tell me that you were so upset, my good.
- Come on I'll regret, and you tell me that you were upset.
Do not be afraid to once again draw attention to the fact that there was the cause of crying:
–Let's look again at your scratch ...
- This boy really hurt you ...
- I saw this dog scare you ...
- You really want to go for a visit ...
Next, it is important to show your child that you are in control, especially if the baby has done something wrong:
- I can not let you... hit the boy / girl to pick up a toy from / to lift the candy from the ground ...
- I want you to... washed his hands / gave the toy, which took / did the job ...
- I want you to read / write ...
In order not to upset the child, who had just started to calm down, shows that nothing is hopeless in this situation:
- I know you can do it, and I'll certainly help.
- You will soon have a new toy.
- You did it, I'll show you how to do.
And further. When calms the baby, sit down in front of him and look him in the eyes, hug and pat spot between the shoulder blades - there where our beloved angels grow wings.
