We empathize with the person who is experiencing grief. In an effort to maintain a close in a difficult moment, we often get lost and not find the right phrase, but there is something you need to say... What it can really words to comfort and support in trouble, and from any common phrase should be abandoned, because they can hurt more stronger?
The famous British psychologist and psychotherapist Tim Lawrence gives advice on how to support a person who got into a difficult situation in life, experiencing trouble, lost a loved one. What words, on the advice of Tim really will fall to the article and will be able to support in a difficult moment, but from what an ordinary phrase should not say.
Of course, we realize that everything that happens in our lives, there is a reason that the complexity of life are given to us for personal spiritual growth as a way out of your comfort zone makes it possible to cultivate and eventually leads to improvement life. But there are events that can not be corrected, when he goes near and dear people of life, when we lose our friends, get rid of the illusion that betrays favorite fall and hope when faced with a terminal illness - to survive this difficult, you can not return anything, this need to learn live.
What phrases are usually used by people who want to support and soothe in a difficult moment? "Everything that happens - for the better", "it will make you stronger," "nothing happens for a reason", "All that does not kill us makes us stronger" and so on.
According to Tim Lawrence, when we speak to people similar phrases, of course with the best intentions, we seem to deny them the right to experience and sorrow. Tim Lawrence puts it this way: "Most importantly, such an attitude prevents us from doing the one thing that we should do when we have a problem - to grieve. Well talk about it, my teacher Megan Devine: "Some things in life can not be corrected. It can only be experienced. "
When we are talking to your friends and family like words, even with the best intentions, we deny them the right to sorrow, grief and sadness. I myself have suffered huge losses and pursues me every day wine for the fact that I'm still alive, and my family - is no more. My pain has not gone anywhere, I just learned to direct it in the right direction, working with patients and understand them better.
But under no circumstances I would not have said to him that this tragedy was a gift of fate, which has helped me to grow spiritually and professionally. So to speak - means to trample on the memory of loved ones, I lost too early, and those who are faced with such a disaster, but could not cope with it. And I'm not going to pretend that it was easy for me because I am strong, and I was "successful" because it could "take responsibility for their lives."
How could support a man who faced a disaster? If human misery, the last thing he needs in the instructions and teachings, most of all - in the understanding and sympathy.
"Say the following:" I know I hurt you. I'm here with you".
This means that you are willing to stay there and suffer with a loved one - and it's incredibly powerful support.
For the people there is nothing more important than understanding. It requires no special skills or training, it's just a willingness to get close and stay close as long as necessary.
Stay close. Just be there, even when you are uncomfortable or feel that you are not doing anything useful. In fact, just when you uncomfortable, it is worth making an effort and remain close.
"I know I hurt you. I'm near".
We so rarely allow ourselves to enter into this gray zone - a zone of terror and pain - but that is where lie the roots of our healing. It begins when there are people willing to go with us.
I beg you, do it for your loved ones. You may never even know, but your help will be invaluable. And if you ever get into trouble, find someone who is ready to be around. I guarantee it will be.
All the others can go».
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