How to learn to stand up for yourself and say "no" in time

Many people are afraid to speak out. discontent or your desires out loud, so as not to offend anyone. Here are some tips from psychologists on how best to express your opinion in order to do it accurately and at the same time defend your rights.

1. First, say briefly what you want

If you stand up for your rights, start with the essentials, without going from afar. For example, tell an uninvited mother-in-law: “It would be more convenient for me if you warned in advance that you would come to us. For example, I would buy something for tea. "

2. Maintain goodwill

Start talking about your discontent before it reaches a boiling point and you can no longer hold back your emotions and control your tone. The entire conversation should take place in a friendly manner, without a bias towards resentment or aggression (even if your interlocutor does it).

3. Don't fall for depreciation

In response to the words that something offended you, you may hear a dumbfounded: "What are you doing? What happened to you? I didn't mean to offend you, are you kidding me? " And now you already feel that you have offended an innocent person and were offended in vain.

Stop! You know better whether you are offended or not. If someone else's words and actions hurt you and violate your rights and boundaries, do not allow yourself to be so manipulated. Calmly say: "And yet ..." - and continue your thought.

4. Prepare for emotional abuse

It is often the hardest thing to defend yourself against emotional tyrants. They are of two types: aggressive and passive. In both cases, they condemn those around them (mainly close ones) to carefully choose words, expressions and tone of communication. And they do not care at all about the true opinions and desires of other people, believing that they are doing their good.

Aggressive tyrant in case of "disobedience" begins to get angry, insult and humiliate, and passive - falls into the role of a victim, whose efforts no one appreciates.

For example, parents come to visit you and begin to "put things in order" without asking or warning in your things, simply - digging, shifting, sorting, throwing away what they themselves think necessary. Naturally, you are trying to stop this illegal process.

To which the father bursts out with a tirade that "his legs will not be in this house anymore", slams the door and "goes into the sunset", and mother - cries and laments that "of course, who needs her at all, she is not welcome here, she just wanted to help, but she pounced. "

You can take yourself out of this "theater" only by absolute calmness and preservation of a benevolent tone. This is incredibly difficult, because they will try their best to piss you off.

What if you can't refuse to communicate with emotional tyrants? First, you still need to keep it to a minimum. Secondly, meet on neutral or their territory, which will be easy for you to leave in case of urgent need.

Third, to remain as calm as possible and not make any impulsive decisions at the time of conflict. Fourth, in any case, continue to softly defend your rights.

5. Try to use positive phrases

Build your sentences in such a way that there is no "not" particle in them. This will make it easier to win over the interlocutor.

6. Think about the consequences of spoken and unspoken words

Usually people tend to mentally replay only negative options for their behavior: that they will be laughed at, not understood, a conflict will begin, etc. But it's not a fact that it will be so.

Maybe your words will just make your life better. They will get rid of other people's problems that you are not able to solve, or work that has been "hung" on you without any compensation, or toxic relationships that are long overdue to end.

7. Refuse categorical wording

Your words will definitely not find a positive response if you criticize others in a categorical manner. Of course, swearing and all obscene words should be automatically excluded.

Add constructions to your phrases that emphasize that this is only your subjective opinion.

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• how to learn to speak beautifully and confidently
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• 5 phrases you shouldn't say to your wife if you don't want a divorce