One can often hear parents of teenagers complain that repeatedly caught her child in a lie. Typically, this seemingly innocent lie that he, for example, brushed my teeth, or that the school did not ask anything, as well as boasting and pereviranie events to show their best side.
The result is that the parents are in doubt refer to anything that says the child, he did not start trust and rechecked said that did not promote the strengthening of parent-child relationship. But in this case, to react to a lie?
We look at the reasons.Psychologists call many reasons why children lie: that "traces" of their negative acts depart from the fact that they do not want to do by copying their classmates, not to offend interlocutor. For example, not wanting to talk to his grandmother on the phone, teenager, instead of directly to say about it, can complain about poor communication. Often, not wanting to take responsibility for their actions, it is easier to lie than tell the truth.
Some teens are accustomed to speak half-truths or to exaggerate in an attempt to get what you want or get out of an unpleasant situation. Sometimes, like adults, teens lie, because the truth seems to them interesting enough. It is a way to increase its importance, become more attractive in the eyes of others, to get support. Also it is hiding behind lies the inability to solve the problem in a different way.
Why does a child is lying to you? In adolescence, the child is very important socialization. Simply put, it is very dependent on the opinion of their peers, and it is important to "fit" into the company. They are due to all the forces trying to appear stronger and cooler than it actually is. In addition, in the body there are serious physiological changes, there is an active interest in the opposite sex, reduced attention concentration and desire to learn. All this leads to confusion and sometimes excessive pressure from the parents. And as a consequence - to stress.
Falsely teens see an opportunity to make your life easier and the time to get rid of stress. Psychologists say that if a child is sometimes lies in the little things, keep back, and gets out - you should not do from this tragedy. If the lie becomes chronic, it is necessary to struggle. But probably not the way you think.
How to cope with a lie?Most reliable prevention of lies is an atmosphere of trust between parents and childrenRather than reading notations that lying is bad. As a rule, lie masks a fear of being misunderstood, ridiculed, fear of what will scold. If you have the habit of always criticizing the child, instead of trying to talk, he is likely to be to lie to you.
Cure for a lie - a frank conversation. Try to talk with your child in a calm tone without charges and notations. Try to understand that his worries, what problems it is trying to solve: to avoid trouble, keep friends, perhaps, afraid to offend someone. When a child begins to talk, listen to him very carefully, do not criticize and do not laugh, try to understand the problem and have a child together look for the way out.
Do not give advice to the child if he you does not ask. Children in their teens are not inclined to listen to the views of parents. Therefore, the turnkey solutions that you offer it to exit the situation, the benefit will not bring. Better during a call to ask the child leading questions: what he thinks about this situation, any way solutions see if only considers it appropriate that, as he has done, if there was any other options, and so on. d. Let him find the right solution.
Be sure to show your child that you are on his sideThat you love him and are not considered a bad person, even if you do not agree with some of his actions. Sometimes a child simply to speak out, to carefully and sympathetically listened.
Lies in the name of a lie. If the child is lying, not in order to avoid trouble, or because he was having some problems, dig deeper to understand what is happening. Again, better to ask directly: "You said you do not know where my phone, and I found it in your room. Can you explain why you said "Or when a teenager tells stories and exaggerates what is happening:" I liked your story, but then went on to tell you something unreal. Why are you exaggerating? "
The main thing is that all this may sound in accusatory tone, as well as a genuine interest. Perhaps you will not wait for an answer. Teenager or just shrug their shoulders. But you made it clear to the child without lectures and lecturing, leading to conflict and isolation, what do you know about his lies and deceit will not give him a chance to get what you want.
That the child has ceased to lie, he must understand that he has other ways out of the situation, as well as your support and understanding.
And be sure to ask, how to behave in a competent and intelligent parents if their favorite podrosschee child wanted a tattoo.
